‘Ay, she has so! She only heard tell this morning about poor Ned,
and she came down to say how sorry she were. Eh, but she is some and
altered; hoo’s gone so quiet, I ne’er saw nowt like it. Hoo were ne’er
a noisy one, but now----’
Mary paused a minute.
‘I’d a deal to tell her--all about me and Harry, and poor Ned, and
about thy going away.’
‘Yes,’ said Myles, in a dull voice.
‘Hoo fair started when hoo heard thou were going away. Hoo were so
surprised. I told her all about it, and hoo said it were much the best
thing, and I were to congratulate you. And then hoo said it were a
long time since hoo had seen you, and, if you’d time, would you go up
to-night and see her, for she’d something she wanted to say to you. If
you do go,’ added Mary, ‘you’ll have to go now, or it’ll get too late.
It’s after nine.’
‘I don’t think it would be anything very important,’ said her brother,
in a measured voice. ‘And I have no time, either. I’ve a lot of things
to do to-night.’
‘Won’t you go?’ asked Mary, opening her eyes wide. ‘Not go and say
good-bye to her! Such friends as you’ve been!’
‘No,’ repeated Myles. ‘She will understand that I am too busy.’
‘I don’t think hoo’ll understand nowt o’ t’ sort,’ said Mary very
emphatically. ‘But go thy own gait! thou knows best.’
He turned away from her, and went upstairs to nail up a box with some
books of his own in it, and to put up some few things of furniture
which Mary was to take away with her when she went to the Ashworths’
house; and as he worked his heart and his temples throbbed almost to
bursting.
Go to her, after what had been said! And, never to mention that, why
was he to go to her? To hear something she wanted to tell him! What
could that be, but that she was going to marry Sebastian? He was to
walk up and hear that from her own lips, and then say good-bye to her,
and not betray himself! After what had happened! After he had gone
through with his bitter task, accepted favours from Sebastian--all in
order that he might never see her again! No! Of course it might be
ungrateful, brutal, uncivilised; it was nevertheless the only safe
path for him to take--to maintain absolute silence and let her think
what she pleased of him. What did it matter? She had Sebastian. He
would soon be forgotten; he would take care of that. He knew, he was
perfectly conscious all the time, that he was doing wrong. As he drove
one nail after another into the box, each stroke of the hammer seemed
to say ‘Wrong!’ And, with his eyes open, he did that wrong, because he
was utterly miserable, and for the moment utterly indifferent; because
he had suffered so much and so long that even his will felt broken, and
to deliberately go to her and court still more suffering was more than
he could do.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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