Myles was striding quickly homewards. In the hurry, preparation,
and excitement of the last two days his mind had regained somewhat
its vigour. It was not that he felt at all happier, or satisfied, or
contented--not that life appeared much brighter to him, only _it had
to be lived_. He set that formula before his mind, and never allowed
a doubt upon the subject to intrude, because he dared not. He felt
that his only safe, his only reasonable course of action, was to press
forward sternly and as rapidly as possible; to cast from him his old
life like a worn-out coat, and begin the new one.
There was the prospect before him of life, struggle, striving, which
he knew was worth a hundred of the lives he had been leading, which
he knew it was his duty to accept and fulfil. The mere idea of
it--of the difficulties to be overcome, and the possibilities to be
attained--attracted him and braced him up, even while all he must leave
seemed to grow dearer and more desirable as it was thrust farther into
the background. There was no turning back now; a delay was what he most
dreaded. He had grown a little grim and hard in his resolute pressing
forward; even Mary fancied that he left them with a kind of exultation,
and grieved the more, even while she felt no surprise.
This evening he walked rapidly up the hilly street, ‘for the last
time,’ he kept saying to himself, and hoping so too. How he had loved
this prosaic, commonplace, dingy manufacturing town! What memories
hung about it! Memories of a childhood spent amongst those he loved,
of a youth and young manhood, which had not been without their
honest, hearty struggles, strivings, and conquests, as well as their
backslidings and failures; memories of a love which had grown upon him,
stealing into his heart by such gentle, subtle degrees that he could
by no means define them--which love had become the master passion of
his earnest heart, with heaven on its side, and chaos on the other.
All this he had lived through in grimy, smoky Thanshope, with the
everlasting roar of machinery as a sort of chorus; within sound of the
melodius, chiming bells. His whole surroundings had ever been earnest
and serious as his own thoughts and bent of mind, and he felt that
no other home would ever be harmonious to him as this was. Yet he
was going to leave it all to-morrow, and his heart beat with a fierce
gladness at the thought.
Occupied with such reflections as these, he found himself at his
own door, and went into the house. Mary was in the kitchen. All her
preparations lay neglected; she sat in her rocking-chair, with her
hands before her, looking at nothing, her eyes wet with tears.
‘What ails you, Molly?’
‘Eh, you’re there, Myles! Nothing ails me except thinking o’ what Miss
Blisset’s been talking about.’
‘Miss Blisset!’ he echoed in a gentle voice, pausing to look at her.
‘Has she been here?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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