Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts — John Shaqi
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
MRS. S. Leave that to me, James. Bring your wife over at six o’clock
as we arranged.
KILROY. Well, I will. [_Goes out._]
MRS. S. John, who was that strange man?
JOHN. I don’t know nor I don’t care!
_PADDY comes in, in his own clothes._
PADDY. The strange man, is it? I can tell you who he was. He was a
man the Bank sent out to sweeten it. And I can tell you more. James
Kilroy’s the buyer, but he’ll have the devil’s own time getting bail.
JOHN. By hokey, that’s news!
MRS. S. Silence, John. Would you heed a drunken horseboy? [_To
PROF._] Now, Tim dear, come with me. You need a good rest. You’re
tired....
PROF. [_rising._] Stand back, Briget! I don’t want a good
rest--closed in the barn. [_Loudly_] My valise! Where’s my valise?
MRS. S. Where are you going?
PROF. I’m off. Important engagement in London.
MRS. S. That’s a good man. Keep your appointment. Or I’ll put you
where you won’t keep any appointments for a day or two. [_To JOHN_] Is
James Kilroy away, John?
JOHN. No, he’s talking out at the front.
MRS. S. Tell him to come here. Quick now.
_JOHN goes out._
PROF. My valise!
_MOLL comes in with the old valise._
MOLL. Here’s your valise, Professor. And I suppose all your
theological tools are inside of it. [_Lays it beside him._]
PROF. Good-bye, O’Cahan. Thanks for the bread and cheese. That’s more
than I have to thank my own sister for.
O’C. Don’t mention it, Professor. [_Gives him money._] Sorry I’m
leaving here myself, or you could have lain around and had a rest.
PROF. [_salutes_]. You’re a chip off the old block. In rain or shine,
the O’Cahans were fine men. [_Goes to PADDY_] Good-bye, Kinney. Thanks
for the two bob....
MRS. S. Lord above, did you take money from Paddy Kinney?
PROF. I did, and was glad to get it.... Good-bye, Paddy.
PADDY. Good-bye, Professor. May we all see better days.
PROF. Adieu, Moll Flanagan. Don’t sit on a barrel of gunpowder with
that dress.
MOLL. Good-bye, y’ould wreck ye! Yourself and that portmantual should
be taken out to a bog and buried.
PROF. Gum, that’s right, Moll. A long rest in an Irish bog would just
suit me. I’m so tired.
_KILROY and JOHN come in._
MRS. S. James Kilroy, will you drive my brother to the station? He
wants to catch the first train.
KILROY. I’d drive him to the very devil! [_To PROF._] Where are you
going?
PROF. Important engagement in London.
KILROY. Gimme that ould bag! And come with me. [_Takes valise._] It
won’t be my fault if you miss the train. [_Exit KILROY._]
PROF. My sister, I won’t bid you good-bye. You treated me like a
yellow dog. [_To JOHN_] Good-bye, Johnny. I don’t blame you. You’re only
a scarecrow on your own farm. A domestic serf.
JOHN. I’ve no money, Tim, or I’d give you some.
PROF. It’s all right, Johnny. I understand your financial status.
Briget carries the purse in her trousers pocket.
_PROF. goes out._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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