Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
PAUL. Including your son Dan, who is more destitute and hopeless than
any tramp or pauper I’ve met. [_Points at DAN._] Just look at that
product of yourself and ninety-five acres of freehold. No more spine in
his back than a lizard, and so bulldozed and browbeaten that he’d swear
a lie before he’d own the simplest truth.
DAN. It’s the God’s holy truth, amen.
PAUL. Standing there with grey head and shaking limbs, you’d think
he’d killed a priest instead of given a conversation-lozenger to Rose
M’Gothigan. [_Loudly_] And Dan Deegan is legion. And Ould Deegan is
legion. You drive the youth to the four winds, and then bleat and pray
and send them shamrocks in exile.... Ah, gimme a drink somebody.
PATRICK [_rising_]. Come on wi’ me, Paul! By Mozes, you’re as
powerful as Paul and the Corinthians! [_He lugs PAUL out to the bar._]
DEEGAN. There’s a Labour leader lost in that frothy scoundrel.
O’HAGAN. There is some truth in him, too. So let us profit by it....
Now, Denis, what is the very lowest figure you can accept?
DENIS. Three hundert pound--in goold.
O’HAGAN. Good lord! [_To OLD DEEGAN_] Mr. Deegan, how far are you
prepared to go?
DEEGAN. A single penny of mine will never rattle in a M’Gothigan’s
pocket.
DENIS. Come on, Rose. We’ll see the Four Courts, after all.
ROSE. Good-bye, Dan.
DAN. Good-bye, Rose, amen.
_DENIS and ROSE go out._
DEEGAN [_to DAN_]. Step you out to the yard, sir. I want to speak
with Mr. O’Hagan.
DAN. Yes, fader. [_Goes out._]
DAISY. Jimes, I feel awful sleepy and queerish.... I believe that
wine was doped, I do.
DEEGAN. I’m certain of it. My own feet and legs are tingling, but the
mind is clear.
_MRS. DEEGAN comes in._
MRS. DEEGAN. You’ll take a cup of tea, granda?
DEEGAN. I want first to know what you put in that drink you gave us?
MRS. DEEGAN. Lord bless us, granda! Such a question to ask me. It was
a fresh bottle....
DEEGAN. That will do. I’ve heard drug stories about this house, but
now I’m convinced.
DAISY. I’m darned sure you put suthin in my port.... Dope or
suthin.... I can’t keep my eyes awake.
MRS. DEEGAN. Ach, you’re beside yourselves, the both of you! [_Goes
out to the kitchen._]
DEEGAN. Mr. O’Hagan, this lady, Miss Mullan, and I have arranged to
get married. She has considerable property in America, and I want to
make her an assignment of these licensed premises and the farm.
O’HAGAN. As from your marriage day?
DEEGAN. Exactly so.
O’HAGAN [_shakes hands with DAISY_]. Congratulations, Miss Mullan.
DAISY. Thank you. I guess I’ll want a good smart lawyer to look after
my interests in America.
O’HAGAN. Your husband will be able to direct you to an excellent man.
[_To DEEGAN_] You want this matter arranged to-day, Mr. Deegan?
DEEGAN. Immediately. Then the M’Gothigans can proceed with their
writs.
O’HAGAN. By Jove, good!... You didn’t attend the Four Courts for
nothing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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