Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
DAISY. Ain’t he jest a dandy! I’m sure proud of my fiancé.
O’HAGAN. I’ll have the document ready in a few minutes. Will you come
across to the office and sign?
DEEGAN. If I’m not there when it’s ready, you can bring it over here.
O’HAGAN. With pleasure. [_Goes out._]
DAISY. Jimes dear, we must coax Paul Twyning to come back and finish
the plastering, else our marriage will be held up for weeks.
DEEGAN. I have thought of that. We must get the ruffian back.
_He rings a small bell on the table, and JIM rushes in._
JIM. Och, does my dear grandpa want me? [_Tries to kiss him._] You
are not angry at me, granda? sure you’re not?
DAISY. Give him a keek, Jimes! Hully gee, he does make me hot!...
Look ahyar, slobber! you get your message and beat it. Go while the
going’s good.
JIM. It’s a great sin for you to put in between granda and his
favourite grandchild.
DAISY. Here, skip! Else I’ll rise and fetch you one.
DEEGAN. Be off, boy. Tell Paul Twyning to come here.
JIM. My granda ... has turned clean agen me.... [_Goes out
sniffing._]
DAISY. Shucks! that kid gives me a bilious attack. I’d love to hitch
him to a post and whale the everlasting daylight out of him.
_PAUL staggers in._
PAUL [_with a grand gesture_].
“You know, my friends, with what a brave Carouse
I made a Second Marriage in my house;
Divorced old barren Reason from my bed,
And took the daughter of the Vine to spouse....”
I forget the rest of it at the moment....
DEEGAN. Never mind the rest of it. Are you coming back to finish the
plastering?
PAUL. My answer is No.
DAISY. But I say y’are! And I’m going to make it worth your while
to.... [_She opens the vanity-bag._]
_OLD DEEGAN leans back and falls asleep._
PAUL. Of course, a request from a young bride-to-be puts a different
complexion on it.
DAISY [_takes out the roll of money and hands PAUL a pound-note_].
Thar’s five dollars.
PAUL. With all due respect to the dollars--this is a pound-note.
DAISY. Yaas; that’s five dollars.
PAUL [_bowing_]. The strike is over. Work in all departments will
commence to-morrow morning. [_Looking at OLD DEEGAN_] Is your fiancé
asleep?
DAISY. I reckon he’s dozing--and I’m jest dying to. [_Yawns._]
PAUL. Well, don’t let me keep you awake. [_Goes to the bar door and
stands with the knob in his hand._]
DAISY [_yawning_]. Ah, yah, my ... I could jest ... sleep.... [_Leans
back and sleeps._]
PAUL [_goes over and blows gently in their faces_]. Have you crossed
the Rubicon? [_No answer._] Do you not hear Cupid himself speaking to
you? [_No answer. After a pause, he takes the roll of money and other
papers from DAISY’S bag and slips out the side door._]
_MRS. DEEGAN comes in, with tea on a tray._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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