Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
PAUL. We were only trying to tempt him, Mr. Deegan, but he’s
incorruptible.... God works wonders now and then. Here stands a lawyer
an honest man.
DEEGAN [_rubs his eyes_]. I suppose you want my signature, Mr.
O’Hagan?
O’HAGAN. Yes, sir. This is ready. [_Takes out his fountain-pen._]
DEEGAN. I’ll sign in one moment. [_Rises unsteadily and wakes
DAISY._] Wake up! This is no place to fall asleep.
DAISY. Yea ... eh? ... what?
DEEGAN. Wake up. We’re going home.
_DAISY sits up and arranges her hat._
_OLD DEEGAN puts on his specs., scans the document, and signs
it._
DAISY [_screams_]. Oh, Jimes! Oh, gee! My money and papers--six
hundred pounds--all gone! Stolen!
DEEGAN [_scans the faces about him; then to DAISY_]. Your money and
papers are not far away. [_Looks hard at PATRICK and MRS. DEEGAN._]
Neither is the thief!
_PATRICK staggers against the wall, and MRS. DEEGAN faints on
the floor._
PAUL [_loudly_]. Water! water! And brandy for me!
_Curtain_
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ACT III
_Three days later. Time: evening._
_The same Scene as in Act I._
_PAUL TWYNING is mixing mortar on the kitchen floor._
_ROSE M’GOTHIGAN comes in back. She has a small parcel in her
hand._
PAUL. Lord bless me, Rose, have you ventured in here again?
ROSE. Aren’t the Deegans all away in the town?
PAUL. But they may be here any minute.
ROSE. My father’s in the town, too, and Daisy Mullan’s visiting my
mother. And she’s crying sore about something.... So I just come out.
PAUL. Isn’t that all over now? I didn’t think Daisy had a single tear
left in her reservoir. America soon dries up the tears, Rose.
ROSE. Well, she’s crying bitter about something.
PAUL. Let us make a stagger at cause and effect. Wasn’t there a young
gentleman, not unlike a bank clerk, called on Daisy this forenoon?
ROSE. Sure it was me seen him first! From the Bank he was.
PAUL. Well, it could happen that his visit has something in common
with Daisy’s tears. The young banker called here, and whispered
something to ould Deegan, and it must have been something of ghastly
importance for ould Deegan turned as white as paper and had to lean his
body against the wall. Then he and the young banker druv off to town.
ROSE. Druv off to the bank. My father followed them in to see if he
could find out what was wrong.
PAUL. And Dan’s in the town buying his Yankee outfit.
ROSE. Yes, he’s for Philadelphy on Saturday.... [_Holds out parcel_]
Give Dan that, Paul, when he comes in.... It’s a muffler....
PAUL. Ach, wait and give the sowl the muffler yourself.... Sure,
you’ll see him before he takes the water.
ROSE. I may and I mayn’t. My father and me had a great battle last
night, and I’m going to service. Give Dan that, Paul, and tell him Rose
wished him luck.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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