Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
PAUL. That was my intention. And that’s where your case falls down.
For if I’d annexed yon rowl of money, I’d have hired a special.... Just
fancy me coming back to plaster this duck-house at five bob a day, and I
a millionaire! Why, ten hours later, I’d be sauntering down Grafton
Street, with a cane in one hand and my suède gloves in the other.
DEEGAN. Mr. O’Hagan, you are on the wrong track. I told you all along
that Paul Twyning was not the thief. I am convinced that Daisy Mullan
has the money and papers concealed....
PAUL. But why on earth should Daisy Mullan rob her own nest?
O’HAGAN [_rising_]. We’ll go across to her own house and ask her....
PAUL. You won’t have to cross the wet fields.... I think Daisy is
upstairs....
O’HAGAN. Ah, just what I feared! A conspiracy. [_Sits down._]
DEEGAN [_angrily_]. What is Daisy Mullan doing up my stairs?
PAUL. It’s my opinion she’s choosing wall-paper for the
bridal-chamber....
_PAUL coughs conspicuously, and DAISY comes from the room._
DAISY. Quite a crowd here, ain’t the’?
O’HAGAN. What were you doing up my client’s stairs, madam?
DAISY. Up your client’s stairs? Your client ain’t got no stairs. This
house is mine, stairs and all. See?
O’HAGAN. You’d better throw off that brazen cloak, and realise where
you stand....
DAISY. Say, what’s a-biting of you, dear?
O’HAGAN. Your fake draft is returned--worthless. Do you know what
that means?
DAISY. Yaas. It means you folks don’t know nuthin about drafts. My
draft was O.K.
O’HAGAN. The local bank holds Mr. Deegan responsible for the money.
If you hand us the six hundred pounds we can settle with the bank and
avoid further trouble. If you don’t, Mr. Deegan can have you arrested.
DEEGAN. And I will.
DAISY. The money’s somewhere in the Deegan family. I sure ain’t got
it. I was drugged and robbed in Patrick Deegan’s awful den. [_Flaring
up._] What the all-sparkling hades do I care about the dab of money,
compared with the loss of deeds and documents!
O’HAGAN. Why were you carting all those valuable papers around with
you? Have you no solicitors?
DAISY. That’s my own business, smart Alick! B’gee, you may hear from
my solicitors in a way you won’t like, and soon.
O’HAGAN. The sooner the better. Who are your solicitors?
DAISY. Messrs. Brown and Fitzgerald, Noo York.
O’HAGAN. And your brokers?
DAISY. Funk and Wignell, Wall Street. You cable rightaway and ask if
Miss Daisy Mullan, of Lincoln Avenoo, is O.K. or not. I’ll pay the
cable.
O’HAGAN. Good. I will. [_Jots down the names._] Any cable address, do
you know?
DAISY. They sure have, but my memory ain’t serving.
PAUL. I should say “Fitz” would get the one and “Funk” the other.
O’HAGAN. Thank you. I didn’t ask for your assistance.
PAUL. Oh, don’t mention it. I’m always glad to assist you without
asking.
O’HAGAN. Mr. Deegan, I think we ought to cable one of those firms
before we proceed further.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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