Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
DEEGAN. If you think such firms exist by all means cable them.
O’HAGAN [_rising_]. We should have a reply in ten hours....
PAUL. What! A message from New York in ten hours? I’m afraid that’s
too quick. [_Coughs at DAISY._]
DAISY. Nonsense! Why, I got this cablegram yesterday from
Philadelphia in four hours. [_Takes it out._]
O’HAGAN. May I have a look at that, please?
DAISY. Why, sure. Ain’t you never seen a cable? [_Hands it to him._]
O’HAGAN [_surprised_]. Mr. Deegan, this is important.
DEEGAN. What is it?
O’HAGAN. It’s about house property. [_Reads_] “Would lease or buy
property on Mount Airy. Cable lowest price. Spalding.” [_Hands back the
cable._] Who is Spalding?
DAISY. Why, Rupert G. Spalding--one of my tenants. He wants to buy
the whole block and make a departmental store--the second largest in the
world.
PAUL [_drily_]. The Yanks are a go-ahead people.
O HAGAN [_perplexed_]. Mr. Deegan, that cablegram puts another
complexion on the case. [_Sits down._]
DEEGAN. Who is to settle with the local bank? That’s the main point.
DAISY. Why, dear, ain’t the local bank got you and me both for
security? I guess this slight misunderstanding won’t make no difference
in our affections, will it?
DEEGAN. It will make all the difference in the world. You have your
property on Mount Airy, and I have mine on solid ground. There will be
no alliance.
PATRICK. That’s sense, by Mozes!
MRS. DEEGAN. It takes granda.
DAISY. And how about the assignment, granda?
DEEGAN. Mr. O’Hagan will answer that question.
O’HAGAN. Without marriage the assignment is waste-paper.
DAISY. But who huffs at the wedding? Not me.
O’HAGAN. My client has changed his mind.
PAUL [_loudly_]. Then, bedam, if he has changed his mind he’ll pay
for it. Your client promised on his two knees to wed her, and if he goes
back on that promise he must take the consequences. [_To DAISY_] I’m
going to see fair play, stranger. I saw your fiancé at your feet and
heard you accepting him. If there is justice left on earth I’m going to
see you get a share of it.... Go now and get your hat and vanity-bag,
and we’ll settle with the bank and then see a lawyer....
DAISY. Settle with the bank, did you say?
PAUL. Certainly. Settle with the bank. That cablegram in your pocket
is good for a million. And your breach of promise case is good for a
cowld thousand.
DAISY. Paul Twyning, that’s my plan in a capsule. If you back me up
in it I’ll make granda Deegan and his ten-cent lawyer sit up and howl.
PAUL. Back you up, is it? Paul Twyning has spoken. That is enough....
Go now and get ready for the bank, and hire your cousin Darby to drive
us in state.
DAISY [_animated_]. I sure will.... Why, I’d depend my life on Paul
Twyning right now.
PAUL. Bring your vanity-bag and all papers.
DAISY. Sure thing. [_Hurries out._]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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