Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
PAUL. Here! Mr. Deegan, let yourself and Denis shake hands. Dammit
alive, life’s too short to quarrel, and it’s disedifying to see two good
neighbours--the backbone of the parish--at loggerheads.
DEEGAN. Denis has heard what I said. If he wishes, after that, to
shake hands, I have no objection.
DENIS. And you heard what I said, too [_shaking hands with OLD
DEEGAN_]. I’ll speak out my mind, James Deegan. I’ve been trying and
trying these thirty years past to get a good strong lawshoot agen you,
but you always wriggled out one way or other, and you’ve tricked me
agen.
DEEGAN. If I were a bit younger, Denis, I’d have met you in the Four
Courts on this case; but I’ve beaten you at home.
DENIS. I admit. But if ever I get a chance at Dan....
PAUL. Ah, quit talking, Denis.... You rural people are the devil for
law. You’d try to get a writ on a rabbit, for trespass.
DAN. Come on, Rose, till I show you the big house.... I’m in flames,
but this is a miracle. [_He takes ROSE into the room._]
PATRICK [_to MRS. DEEGAN_]. Come on, Janey, till we get a look at the
house, too. As Dan says, it’s a miracle. It is, by Mozes!
_PATRICK and MRS. DEEGAN go into the room. DAISY comes in
flashily dressed._
DAISY. Denis M’Gothigan here! Some more plotting? Some more crooked
work, eh?
PAUL. Mr. Deegan has just settled Dan’s breach case, Miss Mullan, and
I hope he’ll settle his own in due coorse.
DAISY. That’s up to himself. I don’t want no law, but I ain’t no
softy. If Mr. Deegan wants a peaceable settlement, I’m quite ready to
discuss.... I’ve figured up your assets, James Deegan, and reckon you’re
worth about five thousand pounds. Don’t you think two thousand of that’s
doo me for breach of contract?
DEEGAN. I’ll have to consult my lawyer about that.
DAISY. Waal, mind, I ain’t coming back here with my finger in my
mouth to sue for terms. If you don’t want a settlement, say so, and I’ll
see a lawyer in town.
O’HAGAN [_rising_]. Mr. Deegan, I want two words with you. Come
outside.
_OLD DEEGAN and O’HAGAN go out back._
DENIS [_rising_]. Faith, I’ll come with you. I want a drink at the
pump. [_He goes out back._]
DAISY. Paul Twyning, what game are you playing? You’ve kept me
guessing all along the line. What are you up to?
PAUL. Now for my own Waterloo!... I meant to unfold my story on the
way to town, Daisy, but I can as well unfold myself here.... I want your
sweet self, Daisy.
DAISY. Whaaaaat!
PAUL. I’ve travelled Ireland, England, and parts of Scotland, but
you’re the first woman I’ve encountered with even a suggestion of
brains. Before I say another word, Daisy, let me ask you a question.
What do you think of Paul Twyning’s intellectual equipment?
DAISY. I think you got that roll of money.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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