Psmith in the CityWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Psmith in the City
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
'I didn't. He used to do all the talking there was.'
Psmith straightened his tie, and clicked his tongue, disappointed.
'This is unfortunate,' he said, smoothing his hair. 'You see, Comrade
Bannister, it is this way. In the course of my professional duties, I
find myself continually coming into contact with Comrade Rossiter.'
'I bet you do,' said Bannister.
'On these occasions I am frequently at a loss for entertaining
conversation. He has no difficulty, as apparently happened in your
case, in keeping up his end of the dialogue. The subject of my
shortcomings provides him with ample material for speech. I, on the
other hand, am dumb. I have nothing to say.'
'I should think that was a bit of a change for you, wasn't it?'
'Perhaps, so,' said Psmith, 'perhaps so. On the other hand, however
restful it may be to myself, it does not enable me to secure Comrade
Rossiter's interest and win his esteem.'
'What Smith wants to know,' said Mike, 'is whether Rossiter has any
hobby of any kind. He thinks, if he has, he might work it to keep in
with him.'
Psmith, who had been listening with an air of pleased interest, much as
a father would listen to his child prattling for the benefit of a
visitor, confirmed this statement.
'Comrade Jackson,' he said, 'has put the matter with his usual
admirable clearness. That is the thing in a nutshell. Has Comrade
Rossiter any hobby that you know of? Spillikins, brass-rubbing, the
Near Eastern Question, or anything like that? I have tried him with
postage-stamps (which you'd think, as head of a postage department, he
ought to be interested in), and dried seaweed, Hall Caine, but I have
the honour to report total failure. The man seems to have no pleasures.
What does he do with himself when the day's toil is ended? That giant
brain must occupy itself somehow.'
'I don't know,' said Bannister, 'unless it's football. I saw him once
watching Chelsea. I was rather surprised.'
'Football,' said Psmith thoughtfully, 'football. By no means a scaly
idea. I rather fancy, Comrade Bannister, that you have whanged the nail
on the head. Is he strong on any particular team? I mean, have you ever
heard him, in the intervals of business worries, stamping on his desk
and yelling, "Buck up Cottagers!" or "Lay 'em out, Pensioners!" or
anything like that? One moment.' Psmith held up his hand. 'I will get
my Sherlock Holmes system to work. What was the other team in the
modern gladiatorial contest at which you saw Comrade Rossiter?'
'Manchester United.'
'And Comrade Rossiter, I should say, was a Manchester man.'
'I believe he is.'
'Then I am prepared to bet a small sum that he is nuts on Manchester
United. My dear Holmes, how--! Elementary, my dear fellow, quite
elementary. But here comes the lad in person.'
Mr Rossiter turned in from the central aisle through the counter-door,
and, observing the conversational group at the postage-desk, came
bounding up. Bannister moved off.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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