Psmith in the CityWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Psmith in the City
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
William, the messenger, proceeded to inform Psmith of the summons.
Psmith's face lit up.
'I am always glad to sweeten the monotony of toil with a chat with
Little Clarence,' he said. 'I shall be with him in a moment.'
He cleaned his pen very carefully, placed it beside his ledger, flicked
a little dust off his coatsleeve, and made his way to the manager's
room.
Mr Bickersdyke received him with the ominous restraint of a tiger
crouching for its spring. Psmith stood beside the table with languid
grace, suggestive of some favoured confidential secretary waiting for
instructions.
A ponderous silence brooded over the room for some moments. Psmith
broke it by remarking that the Bank Rate was unchanged. He mentioned
this fact as if it afforded him a personal gratification.
Mr Bickersdyke spoke.
'Well, Mr Smith?' he said.
'You wished to see me about something, sir?' inquired Psmith,
ingratiatingly.
'You know perfectly well what I wished to see you about. I want to hear
your explanation of what occurred last night.'
'May I sit, sir?'
He dropped gracefully into a chair, without waiting for permission,
and, having hitched up the knees of his trousers, beamed winningly at
the manager.
'A deplorable affair,' he said, with a shake of his head. 'Extremely
deplorable. We must not judge these rough, uneducated men too harshly,
however. In a time of excitement the emotions of the lower classes are
easily stirred. Where you or I would--'
Mr Bickersdyke interrupted.
'I do not wish for any more buffoonery, Mr Smith--'
Psmith raised a pained pair of eyebrows.
'Buffoonery, sir!'
'I cannot understand what made you act as you did last night, unless
you are perfectly mad, as I am beginning to think.'
'But, surely, sir, there was nothing remarkable in my behaviour? When a
merchant has attached himself to your collar, can you do less than
smite him on the other cheek? I merely acted in self-defence. You saw
for yourself--'
'You know what I am alluding to. Your behaviour during my speech.'
'An excellent speech,' murmured Psmith courteously.
'Well?' said Mr Bickersdyke.
'It was, perhaps, mistaken zeal on my part, sir, but you must remember
that I acted purely from the best motives. It seemed to me--'
'That is enough, Mr Smith. I confess that I am absolutely at a loss to
understand you--'
'It is too true, sir,' sighed Psmith.
'You seem,' continued Mr Bickersdyke, warming to his subject, and
turning gradually a richer shade of purple, 'you seem to be determined
to endeavour to annoy me.' ('No no,' from Psmith.) 'I can only assume
that you are not in your right senses. You follow me about in my club--'
'Our club, sir,' murmured Psmith.
'Be good enough not to interrupt me, Mr Smith. You dog my footsteps in
my club--'
'Purely accidental, sir. We happen to meet--that is all.'
'You attend meetings at which I am speaking, and behave in a perfectly
imbecile manner.'
Psmith moaned slightly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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