Psmith in the CityWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Psmith in the City
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
'Ah, I quite understand,' said Psmith, as one who sees that he must
make allowances. 'The incident is too recent. The storm has not yet had
time to expend itself. You have not had leisure to think the matter
over coolly. It is hard, of course, to be cool in a Turkish Bath. Your
ganglions are still vibrating. Later, perhaps--'
'Once and for all,' growled Mr Bickersdyke, 'the thing is ended. Mr
Jackson will leave the bank at the end of the month. We have no room
for fools in the office.'
'You surprise me,' said Psmith. 'I should not have thought that the
standard of intelligence in the bank was extremely high. With the
exception of our two selves, I think that there are hardly any men of
real intelligence on the staff. And comrade Jackson is improving every
day. Being, as he is, under my constant supervision he is rapidly
developing a stranglehold on his duties, which--'
'I have no wish to discuss the matter any further.'
'No, no. Quite so, quite so. Not another word. I am dumb.'
'There are limits you see, to the uses of impertinence, Mr Smith.'
Psmith started.
'You are not suggesting--! You do not mean that I--!'
'I have no more to say. I shall be glad if you will allow me to read my
paper.'
Psmith waved a damp hand.
'I should be the last man,' he said stiffly, 'to force my conversation
on another. I was under the impression that you enjoyed these little
chats as keenly as I did. If I was wrong--'
He relapsed into a wounded silence. Mr Bickersdyke resumed his perusal
of the evening paper, and presently, laying it down, rose and made his
way to the room where muscular attendants were in waiting to perform
that blend of Jiu-Jitsu and Catch-as-catch-can which is the most
valuable and at the same time most painful part of a Turkish Bath.
It was not till he was resting on his sofa, swathed from head to foot
in a sheet and smoking a cigarette, that he realized that Psmith was
sharing his compartment.
He made the unpleasant discovery just as he had finished his first
cigarette and lighted his second. He was blowing out the match when
Psmith, accompanied by an attendant, appeared in the doorway, and
proceeded to occupy the next sofa to himself. All that feeling of
dreamy peace, which is the reward one receives for allowing oneself to
be melted like wax and kneaded like bread, left him instantly. He felt
hot and annoyed. To escape was out of the question. Once one has been
scientifically wrapped up by the attendant and placed on one's sofa,
one is a fixture. He lay scowling at the ceiling, resolved to combat
all attempt at conversation with a stony silence.
Psmith, however, did not seem to desire conversation. He lay on his
sofa motionless for a quarter of an hour, then reached out for a large
book which lay on the table, and began to read.
When he did speak, he seemed to be speaking to himself. Every now and
then he would murmur a few words, sometimes a single name. In spite of
himself, Mr Bickersdyke found himself listening.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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