Psmith, JournalistWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Psmith, Journalist
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"Sure, dey just butted in," said Master Maloney complainingly. "I
was sittin' here, readin' me book, when de foist of de guys blew
in. 'Boy,' says he, 'is de editor in?' 'Nope,' I says. 'I'll go in
an' wait,' says he. 'Nuttin' doin',' says I. 'Nix on de goin' in
act.' I might as well have saved me breat'. In he butts, and he's
in der now. Well, in about t'ree minutes along comes another
gazebo. 'Boy,' says he, 'is de editor in?' 'Nope,' I says. 'I'll
wait,' says he lightin' out for de door. Wit dat I sees de
proposition's too fierce for muh. I can't keep dese big husky guys
out if dey's for buttin' in. So when de rest of de bunch comes
along, I don't try to give dem de t'run down. I says, 'Well,
gents,' I says, 'it's up to youse. De editor ain't in, but if youse
wants to join de giddy t'rong, push t'roo inter de inner room. I
can't be boddered.'"
"And what more _could_ you have said?" agreed Psmith approvingly.
"Tell me, Comrade Maloney, what was the general average aspect of
these determined spirits?"
"Huh?"
"Did they seem to you to be gay, lighthearted? Did they carol
snatches of song as they went? Or did they appear to be looking
for some one with a hatchet?"
"Dey was hoppin'-mad, de whole bunch of dem."
"As I suspected. But we must not repine, Comrade Maloney. These
trifling contretemps are the penalties we pay for our high
journalistic aims. I will interview these merchants. I fancy that
with the aid of the Diplomatic Smile and the Honeyed Word I may
manage to pull through. It is as well, perhaps, that Comrade
Windsor is out. The situation calls for the handling of a man of
delicate culture and nice tact. Comrade Windsor would probably have
endeavoured to clear the room with a chair. If he should arrive
during the _séance_, Comrade Maloney, be so good as to inform him of
the state of affairs, and tell him not to come in. Give him my
compliments, and tell him to go out and watch the snowdrops growing
in Madison Square Garden."
"Sure," said Master Maloney.
Then Psmith, having smoothed the nap of his hat and flicked a speck
of dust from his coat-sleeve, walked to the door of the inner room
and went in.
CHAPTER VIII
THE HONEYED WORD
Master Maloney's statement that "about 'steen visitors" had arrived
in addition to Messrs. Asher, Waterman, and the Rev. Philpotts
proved to have been due to a great extent to a somewhat feverish
imagination. There were only five men in the room.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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