Psmith, JournalistWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Psmith, Journalist
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
He turned to Billy, who had been looking at him all the while with
a combination of interest and suspicion. The man might or might not
be friendly. In the meantime, there was no harm in being on one's
guard. Billy's experience as a cub-reporter had given him the
knowledge that is only given in its entirety to police and
newspaper men: that there are two New Yorks. One is a modern,
well-policed city, through which one may walk from end to end
without encountering adventure. The other is a city as full of
sinister intrigue, of whisperings and conspiracies, of battle,
murder, and sudden death in dark by-ways, as any town of mediaeval
Italy. Given certain conditions, anything may happen to any one in
New York. And Billy realised that these conditions now prevailed in
his own case. He had come into conflict with New York's
underworld. Circumstances had placed him below the surface, where
only his wits could help him.
"It's about that tenement business," said the stranger.
Billy bristled. "Well, what about it?" he demanded truculently.
The stranger raised a long and curiously delicately shaped hand.
"Don't bite at me," he said. "This isn't my funeral. I've no kick
coming. I'm a friend."
"Yet you don't tell us your name."
"Never mind my name. If you were in my line of business, you
wouldn't be so durned stuck on this name thing. Call me Smith, if
you like."
"You could select no nobler pseudonym," said Psmith cordially.
"Eh? Oh, I see. Well, make it Brown, then. Anything you please. It
don't signify. See here, let's get back. About this tenement thing.
You understand certain parties have got it in against you?"
"A charming conversationalist, one Comrade Parker, hinted at
something of the sort," said Psmith, "in a recent interview. _Cosy
Moments_, however, cannot be muzzled."
"Well?" said Billy.
"You're up against a big proposition."
"We can look after ourselves."
"Gum! you'll need to. The man behind is a big bug."
Billy leaned forward eagerly.
"Who is he?"
The other shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know. You wouldn't expect a man like that to give himself
away."
"Then how do you know he's a big bug?"
"Precisely," said Psmith. "On what system have you estimated the
size of the gentleman's bughood?"
The stranger lit a cigar.
"By the number of dollars he was ready to put up to have you done
in."
Billy's eyes snapped.
"Oh?" he said. "And which gang has he given the job to?"
"I wish I could tell you. He--his agent, that is--came to Bat
Jarvis."
"The cat-expert?" said Psmith. "A man of singularly winsome
personality."
"Bat turned the job down."
"Why was that?" inquired Billy.
"He said he needed the money as much as the next man, but when he
found out who he was supposed to lay for, he gave his job the
frozen face. Said you were a friend of his and none of his fellows
were going to put a finger on you. I don't know what you've been
doing to Bat, but he's certainly Willie the Long-Lost Brother with
you."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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