Psmith, JournalistWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Psmith, Journalist
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"I wasn't hoitin' her," he said, without emotion. "Dere was two
fellers in de street sickin' a dawg on to her. An' I comes up an'
says, 'G'wan! What do youse t'ink you're doin', fussin' de poor
dumb animal?' An' one of de guys, he says, 'G'wan! Who do youse
t'ink youse is?' An' I says, 'I'm de guy what's goin' to swat youse
one on de coco if youse don't quit fussin' de poor dumb animal.' So
wit dat he makes a break at swattin' me one, but I swats him one,
an' I swats de odder feller one, an' den I swats dem bote some
more, an' I gets de kitty, an' I brings her in here, cos I t'inks
maybe youse'll look after her."
And having finished this Homeric narrative, Master Maloney fixed an
expressionless eye on the ceiling, and was silent.
Billy Windsor, like most men of the plains, combined the toughest
of muscle with the softest of hearts. He was always ready at any
moment to become the champion of the oppressed on the slightest
provocation. His alliance with Pugsy Maloney had begun on the
occasion when he had rescued that youth from the clutches of a
large negro, who, probably from the soundest of motives, was
endeavouring to slay him. Billy had not inquired into the rights
and wrongs of the matter: he had merely sailed in and rescued the
office-boy. And Pugsy, though he had made no verbal comment on the
affair, had shown in many ways that he was not ungrateful.
"Bully for you, Pugsy!" he cried. "You're a little sport. Here"--he
produced a dollar-bill--"go out and get some milk for the
poor brute. She's probably starving. Keep the change."
"Sure thing," assented Master Maloney. He strolled slowly out,
while Billy Windsor, mounting a chair, proceeded to chirrup and
snap his fingers in the effort to establish the foundations of an
_entente cordiale_ with the rescued cat.
By the time that Pugsy returned, carrying a five-cent bottle of
milk, the animal had vacated the book-shelf, and was sitting on the
table, washing her face. The milk having been poured into the lid
of a tobacco-tin, in lieu of a saucer, she suspended her operations
and adjourned for refreshments. Billy, business being business,
turned again to Luella Granville Waterman, but Pugsy, having no
immediate duties on hand, concentrated himself on the cat.
"Say!" he said.
"Well?"
"Dat kitty."
"What about her?"
"Pipe de leather collar she's wearing."
Billy had noticed earlier in the proceedings that a narrow leather
collar encircled the cat's neck. He had not paid any particular
attention to it. "What about it?" he said.
"Guess I know where dat kitty belongs. Dey all have dose collars. I
guess she's one of Bat Jarvis's kitties. He's got a lot of dem for
fair, and every one wit one of dem collars round deir neck."
"Who's Bat Jarvis? Do you mean the gang-leader?"
"Sure. He's a cousin of mine," said Master Maloney with pride.
"Is he?" said Billy. "Nice sort of fellow to have in the family. So
you think that's his cat?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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