Association of ideas; Memory; Paragrammatism; Psychoanalysis; Psychology, Pathological; Repression (Psychology)
I would like to show by one more example the sense that may be gained
by a childhood reminiscence through analytic work, although it may
seem to contain no sense before. In my forty-third year, when I began
to interest myself in what remained in my memory of my own childhood,
a scene struck me which for a long time, as I afterwards believed,
had repeatedly come to consciousness, and which through reliable
identification could be traced to a period before the completion of my
third year. I saw myself in front of a chest, the door of which was
held open by my half-brother, twenty years my senior. I stood there
demanding something and screaming; my mother, pretty and slender, then
suddenly entered the room, as if returning from the street.
In these words I formulated this scene so vividly seen, which, however,
furnished no other clue. Whether my brother wished to open or lock the
chest (in the first explanation it was a “cupboard”), why I cried,
and what bearing the arrival of my mother had, all these questions
were dim to me; I was tempted to explain to myself that it dealt with
the memory of a hoax by my older brother, which was interrupted by my
mother. Such misunderstandings of childhood scenes retained in memory
are not uncommon; we recall a situation, but it is not centralized;
we do not know on which of the elements to place the psychic accent.
Analytic effort led me to an entirely unexpected solution of the
picture. I missed my mother and began to suspect that she was locked in
this cupboard or chest, and therefore demanded that my brother should
unlock it. As he obliged me, and I became convinced that she was not in
the chest, I began to cry; this is the moment firmly retained in the
memory, which was directly followed by the appearance of my mother, who
appeased my worry and anxiety.
But how did the child get the idea of looking for the absent mother
in the chest? Dreams which occurred at the same time pointed dimly to
a nurse, concerning whom other reminiscences were retained; as, for
example, that she conscientiously urged me to deliver to her the small
coins which I received as gifts, a detail which in itself may lay claim
to the value of a concealing memory for later things. I then concluded
to facilitate for myself this time the task of interpretation, and
asked my now aged mother about that nurse. I found out all sorts of
things, among others the fact that this shrewd but dishonest person had
committed extensive robberies during the confinement of my mother, and
that my half-brother was instrumental in bringing her to justice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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