"About three years ago I suffered from typhoid fever and after
recovering, a new form of the old trouble showed itself. This time
I imagined that when eating I chewed my food in a manner that was
ridiculous and which made people hardly keep from laughter in
observing me. Often I had to leave the table when half through
because I felt I could not bear having critical eyes upon me any
longer. About three months ago I determined to be troubled no
further by my own foolish fancies and by constantly schooling
myself I have improved very much. Still, however, when I walk alone
along the street, I must fortify myself mentally before passing
each group of people. If once I allow myself to think that they are
looking at me, I feel almost paralyzed, my feet seem too heavy to
lift, my arms do not seem to swing naturally, and in attempting to
look placid and unconcerned, I feel that I am failing utterly. Also
when at table, I must still tell myself before each mouthful that I
have no need for fear, that my manner at table is equal and perhaps
superior to the others beside me. I have gone a certain length in
my self-training, and have relieved myself of a great deal of the
mental distress, but now I believe I can advance no further. What
seems needful now is to do away with the self-consciousness which
brought on my worries, though whether this is possible is hard to
say."
Here the letter of a young woman, the type which fills the army of the
mind healers and faith curists.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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