"For years I have been seeking, or perhaps to be more accurate I
should say waiting, for a mind to drift toward me; a mind that
would understand my particular case of fear brought on by the
constant bullying and nagging from my earliest childhood by those
in my home. This fear of brutality has greatly depleted my nervous
system and has unfitted me for the strong, useful, forceful life I
should have expressed. If I could only rid my mind of the thought
that I am always displeasing, or rather, going to displease people,
for I hardly do displease them; if I could get rid of the fear of
caring what the attitude of other minds toward me is, I feel that I
should then strike out into a strong life of helpfulness to others.
In other words I have always felt behind me a great force pressing
me out into public work. When I was a child, it was so strong that
I was sat down upon brutally, to so great an extent that I feared
to voice my convictions and that fear still clings to me like a
nemesis. It seems that every individual personality in a public or
private audience rises up to overwhelm me, causing my tongue to
grow heavy and my mind to become a blank. This enervating fear
blends into every thought I have, whether sleeping or waking. I
have fought with all my might to rid myself of it but so far in
vain."
Here an expression of a very frequent variety. The writer is a
middle-aged man.
"I am possessed of a fear that is constantly with me that something
dreadful is going to happen and I do not seem to be able to
overcome it. I am told by physicians that I am bodily sound,
although very nervous, and that the fear is generated entirely by
autosuggestion. When at its worst, it weakens and terrorizes me and
in my better moments I am tormented with a fear of a recurrence of
a bad spell. It is fear of a fear. A year ago at this time I had a
very bad spell but got along fairly well through the summer, but I
am afraid that I will soon again be in a bad condition and lose all
that I may have gained."
The "fear of a fear" is indeed a symptom which the psychotherapist has
to fight extremely often, but as soon as he has really recognized it and
analyzed the whole mental condition, he will hardly have any difficulty
in uprooting it. I add a letter of a school-teacher in New York. He
writes:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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