“ ‘Old mother,’ I replied, ‘you were not placed here to poison my ear, on the contrary’——and I turned on my miserable couch. {347} [Illustration] “The Leech then pronounced me delirious, and intimated his intention of sucking out the malady through a blood-vessel in my throat. Happily the Spanish Fly noticed that my tongue protruded in token of exhaustion, and proposed to apply what he termed a counter-irritant—that {348} is, to set up a most painful competition between disease and remedy. “ ‘My dear sir,’ said the Crane to the Fly, ‘neither your treatment nor your opinion can have the least weight; it is a well-known fact that six thousand four hundred of you weigh only a miserable half-pound. Half a pound weight, think of that.’ “ ‘What is your opinion, Mr. Idler?’ inquired the Heteroclite. “ ‘I practise the leisurely science of meditating on the mysteries of life and death. We must consult together, and weigh the situation before we can hope to arrive at a just diagnosis of this important case. As a consulting physician, I’—— “ ‘My opinion is,’ gravely continued the first speaker, ‘that the abnormal humidity of the feet, head, chest, and all the members, is one of the gravest symptoms of this case.’ “The Seal shrugged his shoulders. “ ‘Humidity I hold to be most dangerous, whether in the shape of rain, dew, or the saturation of a heated atmosphere. An umbrella or waterproof may ward off its influence, our patient is beyond that stage and requires more subtle remedies. As for myself, I am obliged to observe the greatest caution. I never travel without my carriage, and to walk over a cold flagstone without a carpet would be to court death. I have done: that being so, I make it a rule to inquire who is to pay me?’ “ ‘And us,’ cried a voice outside. “ ‘Who are you?’ “ ‘We are the animal surgeons who alone can effect a cure; open, or we will cut our way through the door, just as we would to the heart of a disease.’ “The door was opened, and the Saw-fish entered, followed by its attendants. The operator showed his teeth, felt my pulse, and soon a circle formed round the couch. Under the circumstances it was natural to faint, and I did my best to do so; but as extremes sometimes meet, and there is but a step from fainting to delirium, I became mad. Dark scenes of dissecting-room practice passed before me. My name had changed from Médor to No. 33, just as if I had become a cab on a stand or a watchman. I was no longer a solitary invalid, but one of many stretched on beds in a long ward. My neighbour No. 32 had passed away, or rather his remains had been conveyed to a sort of dining-room at the end of the ward. The sole ornaments of this chamber were skeletons and bones. What had become of the flesh?” {349} “ ‘My friend, these hones were doubtless fossils. You are slandering your fellow-citizens. But you are free, continue.’ [Illustration]