[Illustration: A CHRONIC COMPLAINT Aide-de-Camp. "'THE ENGLISH FORCE, SO PLEASE YOU.'" Kaiser. "'TAKE THY FACE HENCE ... I AM SICK AT HEART.'" Macbeth, Act V., Sc. 3. December 2, 1914.] [Illustration: THE WHITEWASHERS Kaiser. "Lay it on, my worthy professors--lay it on thick! I want every drop of it." January 20, 1915.] [Illustration: WILFUL MURDER The Kaiser. "TO THE DAY----" Death. "----OF RECKONING!" May 19, 1915.] THE RAIDER [Illustration: THE RETURN OF THE RAIDER Kaiser. "WELL, I _AM_ SURPRISED!" Tirpitz. "SO WERE WE." February 3, 1915.] [Illustration: "SOUND AND FURY" Kaiser. "IS ALL MY HIGH SEAS FLEET SAFELY LOCKED UP?" Admiral von Tirpitz. "PRACTICALLY ALL, SIRE." Kaiser. "THEN LET THE STARVATION OF ENGLAND BEGIN!" February 17, 1915.] [Illustration: RUNNING AMOK German Bull. "I KNOW I'M MAKING A ROTTEN EXHIBITION OF MYSELF; BUT I SHALL TELL EVERYBODY I WAS GOADED INTO IT." February 24, 1915.] THE UNSPEAKABLE TURK [Illustration: OUT OF BOUNDS John Bull. "SHOO! SHOO!" May 9, 1906.] [Illustration: ARMAGEDDON: A DIVERSION TURKEY. "Good! if only all those other Christian nations get at one another's throats, I may have a dog's chance yet." December 4, 1912.] [Illustration: SETTLED Dame Europa. "You've always been the most troublesome boy in the school. Now go and consolidate yourself." Turkey. "Please, ma'am, what does that mean?" Dame Europa. "It means going into that corner--and stopping there!" April 2, 1913.] [Illustration: HIS MASTER'S VOICE THE KAISER (_to Turkey, reassuringly_). "Leave everything to me. All you've got to do is to explode." TURKEY. "Yes, I quite see that. But where shall _I_ be when it's all over?" November 11, 1914.] [Illustration: THE EUPHEMISTS Kaiser. "I say, how are you going to explain away the surrender of your army corps in the Caucasus?" Sultan of Turkey. "Nothing simpler. I shall say, 'Our gallant troops determined to embarrass the enemy's commissariat, and carried out their object with overwhelming success." Kaiser. "Splendid! Couldn't have put it better myself." Sultan. "My dear boy, we were in the business ages and ages before you were thought of." January 13, 1915.] [Illustration: THE GOD IN THE CART (_An Unrehearsed Effect._) Turkey. "I'm getting a bit fed up with this. I shall kick soon." Austria. "Well, I was thinking of lying down." January 6, 1915.] [Illustration: THE RIDDLE OF THE SANDS Turkish Camel. "WHERE TO?" German Officer. "EGYPT." Camel. "GUESS AGAIN." February 10, 1915.] [Illustration: German Sentry. "WHO GOES THERE?" Turk. "A FRIEND--CURSE YOU!" January 20, 1915.] [Illustration: THE DISSEMBLERS [January 27th] Emperor of Austria. "NOW WHAT DO WE REALLY WANT TO SAY?" Sultan of Turkey. "WELL, OF COURSE, WE COULDN'T SAY _THAT_; NOT ON HIS BIRTHDAY." January 27, 1915.] [Illustration: WILLIAM O' THE WISP