The adopshun of fonetik spelling must tend to elevate the Masses in respect of orthografy to a level with the Classes, az it will enable the former to spel az they speek correctly, when they do speek so. But, for that matter the fonetik orthografy, wunce adopted, wil naturally be followd by an adaptashun of all the prezent rules of Grammer to popular uzage. Perhaps the aspirate wil be expeld from the Alfabet, and there wil be an end to the supersilius aristocrat's derizhun of the Peeple for dropping their h's. However, an Act of Parliament mite be necessary to effect the rekwisit reforms of the QUEEN'S Inglish if possibl. If the Republic of Letters cood be persuaded to employ those of the Alfabet fonetically, a popular system of spelling wood soon prevale. At leest all ordinary parts of speech mite by common consent be ritten as pronounsd. But a certin difficulty wood perhaps be prezented by proper names. I am afrade my friends who spel their own MARJORIBANKS, PONSONBY, GROSVENOR, POINGDESTRE, DECRESPIGNY, DALRYMPLE, and others whom I could mention, wood almost as soon be hanged as pen fonetik signatures. As for myself, however, I hav no such objecshun. I happen to inherit a name of which the tradishonal orthografy is COLQUHOUN. It is far too much of a mouthful to be pronounced az so spelt, and I, for my part, deferring all pride of pedigree to a great intellectual movement, do not hesitate to sine it, regardless of the double meaning it may convey to an American reeder, COON. P.S.--BEN JONSON'S signature is clearly fonetik. As for SHAKSPEARE, SHAKESPEARE, SHAKESPEAR, or SHAKSPERE, he seems not to have known how to spel his own name. * * * * * [Illustration: "ICHABOD!" _Scotch Wife_ (_to her Gossip_). "AH DINNA KEN WHAT'S COME OWER THE KIRK. AH CANNA BIDE TO SEE OOR MENESTER SPANKIN' ABOOT ON YON CYCLOPÆDY!"] * * * * * THE MEDICAL NEW YEAR'S DAY. [The London Medical Schools open in the first week of October.] In the dim days of chilly October, When leaves are grown ashen and brown, Let us hope to be steady and sober, The Medicals come up to town. They will study all lore anatomic, To ease future patients from pains; And must vow that no "Champion Comic" Shall win them from muscles and veins. With dissecting _extensor_ and _flexor_, They'll find work enough for the knife; While a _plexus_ of nerves a perplexer Will sometimes remain for all life. While that life as an "organisation In action," if critics speak truth, Will remain the supremest attraction For doctors in age or in youth. In the summer their studies botanic Will take them to flood and to field; Well we know that the structures organic Serene satisfaction will yield. They will gauge both _corolla_ and _calyx_, Till examinations are o'er. May they find, with the study of _salix_, They need wear the willow no more.