I wonder whether the Conservators are really fully aware of what a regular good time of it I'm having. * * * * * [Illustration: "LONDON QUITE EMPTY!" SKETCHED IN OCTOBER--EAST BY WEST.] * * * * * THE COMPLAINT OF THE COCKNEY CLERK. "I know of no cure but for the Englishman (1) to do his best to compete in the particulars where the German now excels; (2) to try to show that, taken all round, he is worth more than the German." _Mr. Gladstone on English Clerks and German Competition._ All very fine, O orator illustrious! But I as soon would be a Mole, or Merman, As a short-grubbing, horribly industrious, Linguistic German. A Clerk's a Clerk, that is a cove who scribbles All day, and then goes in for cue, and "jigger," And not a mere machine who feeds by nibbles, Slaves like a nigger. Learn languages? And for two quid a week? Cut barmaids, billiards, bitter beer and betting? Yah! that may suit a Sausage, or a sneak! Whistles need wetting. That is if they are genuine English whistles, And not dry, hoarse, yah-yah Teutonic throttles. _I_'m not a donkey who can thrive on thistles. No, that's "no bottles." I've learned my native tongue,--and that's a teaser-- I've also learned a lot of slang and patter; But German, French, Italian, Portuguese, Sir, For "screw" no fatter? Not me, my old exuberant Wood-chopper! Level _me_ to the straw-haired Carls and Hermanns? No; there's another trick would do me proper,-- Kick out the Germans! Old BISMARCK'S "Blood and Iron's" a receipt meant For Sour-Kraut gobblers, sandy and sardonic; But for us Britons that Teutonic treatment Is much too tonic. The cheek of 'em just puts me in a rage, Send 'em back home, ah! even pay their passage! Or soon, by Jove, we'll have to call our age, The German "Sauce"-age! * * * * * A STABLE COMPANION. We read in the _Daily Telegraph_ of Sept. 30th the following:-- NO SALARY.--A Widow Lady (39), well educated but not accomplished, will give her Services as Housekeeper in return for a comfortable HOME, and to be treated as one of the family, and the occasional use of a good hack, no need to have carried a lady before. Thoroughly understands the management of a gentleman's house, companionable, and ladylike appearance. Superior references.--Address, &c.