Still--still, _if_ Champion "slugging" combined with coruscation _does_ lead to Leadership--as why should it not?--I fancy I know some one who will have what the sporting patterers call, I think, "a look in" one of these days. Parochial shrewdness is all very well, so is philosophical precision combined with Puritan fervour. But the "swashing blow" strikes home, and if the Unionist bucklers are beaten down thereby, let who likes cry "swashbuckler!" As to "shillelaghs"--why is not "blackthorns to the front!" the order of the hour? [_Left smiling._ * * * * * IN TROUBLED WATERS.--Mr. CHAMBERLAIN is being praised in some quarters for saying that we should leave Irish affairs, and "attend to our own business." The inference seems to be that "Irish affairs" are _not_ "our business." Is not Ireland as much a part of the United Kingdom as England, Scotland, or Wales? We shall be glad of a line from Mr. CHAMBERLAIN--when he gets to his Fisheries. * * * * * GOLD AND STEEL: OR, SOMETHING LIKE A "SCIENTIFIC FRONTIER." [Illustration: _The Nizam of Hyderabad_ (_to Britannia_). "HERE, MADAM, IS AN EARNEST OF MY GOOD-WILL--AND MY SWORD IS READY WHEN WANTED."] _Mr. Punch, as Britannia's Chief Spokesman and First Plenipotentiary, replies to the Nizam of Hyderabad, First of India's Mahommedan Princes_:-- Thanks, great descendant of GHAZEE-OOD-DEEN! A gracious gift! It well may move the spleen Of England's enemies--and yours. The Bear Will stir, and growl in his chill Northern lair To see the Indian Tiger arm-in-arm With England's Lion, linked by the strong charm Of mutual confidence and common aim. A generous friendship, Prince, is our best game. Not loyalty alone approves your gift, But wise self-interest, and sagacious thrift. Sage SALAR JUNG would cordially approve The liberal impulse, the far-sighted move. _Punchius_, my Prince, is far too great to gush, And fulsome flattery wakens manhood's blush. England's true honour England's hand must hold; Steel for defence, and for equipment gold 'Tis hers to furnish; when that hand shall fail, Auxiliar sword or purse will nought avail To prop her sway, or 'stablish shaken power, Not though she had the more than Danaë dower Of all "the wealth of Ormuz and of Ind." Fear must not shake and softness must not blind The man, the people, who would lead and light Progress's Army in the World's great fight. Each nation finds, when Fate its courage tests, Its last, best frontier is its soldiers' breasts. War's sinews, though, wise captains won't contemn, Loyalty, liberal aid,--who laughs at _them_ Is churl and goose at once. All England's ranks Will hail your generous gift with cordial thanks, NIZAM-OOL-MOOLK! Our DUFFERIN has Wit, Trust him to make the wisest use of it; Or failing that--which doubtless will _not_ fail-- Trust _Punch_ to throw his _bâton_ in the scale,