_Laurie_ (_whose one idea is his Birthday next week_). "YES, AUNTY; I'M AFRAID I SHALL BE SIX BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY!"] * * * * * VICARIOUS WHIPPING.--Why are Railway Chairmen and Directors like JAMES THE FIRST when he was a boy? Because, according to received tradition, His Majesty, _in statu pupillari_, was provided with another boy, who, whenever JEMMY deserved the rod, had to be flogged, as a substitute, in the Royal youth's place; and the Railway Authorities are allowed similar substitutes, namely, signalmen, engineers, and other subordinates, against whom, when fatal accidents happen by their superiors' fault, Coroners' Juries usually return verdicts of manslaughter. * * * * * DESCRIPTION OF AN ASSASSIN.--"A Man who takes life seriously." N.B.--I never like hearing a Medical Man so described in ordinary conversation. * * * * * [Illustration: "LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE."] * * * * * SALUBRITIES ABROAD. (_En Route for Home after the Royat Treatment._) At Geneva I meet an old friend, one of the heartiest men I've ever known and one of the best. He is delighted, really delighted, at our accidental meeting. I am for going on, but he will not hear of it. "I know the place," says he, cheerily, with a wink and a nudge, "and I'll take you about." What a wink it is! and what a nudge! So full of humorous appreciation of life and character. Such a knowing not-to-be-done-by-anyone sort of wink. And the nudge is intended to draw your attention to the wink and emphasise it. JOHN BIRLEY is the frankest, openest, freest-and-easiest of men, with a boundless capacity for enjoyment, the strongest sympathies with suffering, and of a reverential grateful spirit that thanks Heaven for all bounties, and accepts misfortunes and sorrows as kindly reminders from Providence that the misfortunes and sorrows of others have to be considered and relieved, and again he thanks Heaven for having put it into his power to relieve them. His chief enjoyment is in giving pleasure to others. The most selfish would gain some good from contact with JOHN BIRLEY; and the craftiest, to whom it might occur to make JOHN BIRLEY'S acquaintance for the sake of what he could make out of him or by him, would soon discover his error, and would be informed that he stood detected, very clearly, plainly, and straightly, not by anything that JOHN BIRLEY would say, but he would have it intimated to him beyond possibility of mistake by JOHN BIRLEY'S wink and a playful nudge from JOHN BIRLEY'S elbow in his left or right side, for JOHN speaks with both elbows. The crafty rogue would there and then know--if he were not too fatally crafty for himself as are so many rogues, or too conceited to realise the humour of the situation,--that his little game, whatever it might have been with JOHN BIRLEY, was up, that his schemes were upset and that to "try