We have heard of the Babes in the Wood, And the ruffians greedy and cruel, Who (as INGOLDSBY said in gay mood) Conspired for to "give them their gruel"; But pitiful bosoms will blench At this vision of BALFOUR the sinister, To Babes on the Treasury Bench Presuming his dose to administer! They find Doctor BALFOUR, one fears, Worse than poor _Davy Copperfield's Creakle_; As awful as grim _Mrs. Squeers_ With her jorum of brimstone and treacle. Ah, COURTNEY, how _could_ you conceive A picture so Mephistophelian? Your buzzum is stone, I believe, And your heart must be truly a steely 'un! Sweet Babes! They seem likely to choke! Poor GLADDY! Poor JOHNNIE! Poor WILLY! ARTHUR'S "logic" is tougher than "toke," And much more insipid than "skilly." Strong meat? How your irony _you_ barb, Your humour's as grim as the gallows. Your dose is as drastic as rhubarb, And almost as bitter as aloes. Logic? For Babes? On that Bench? You're as hard as the Poles' "whiskered pandour." You might as well set out to drench Your own Opposition with--candour! The Treasury Babes may object To prescriptions from MILL or from WHEWELL, And logical draughts, I expect, Would very soon give _you_ your gruel. If COURTNEY could physic himself, Or BALFOUR and he dose each other, How soon both would lay on the shelf This prescription, and try quite another! No; Reason, as party-strife goes, As food is attractive to no men: And Logic's a nauseous dose, To be given--as physic--to foemen! * * * * * "What author was it," inquired Mrs. R. of a literary friend, "who wrote the line describing going to bed as '_that last infirmity of noble minds_'?" * * * * * "HARK! I HEAR THE SOUND OF COACHES." ["There are still five of the road-coaches running out of London."--_Daily News, Nov. 18._] If drooping with toil, or aught else, I or You may spring up with "Excelsior!" As up to the box-seat one climbs, "How pleasant," one murmurs, "'Old Times!'" Times equally good, we'll engage, Have others who go with "The Age." Though outlooks to-morrow be livid, Hold tight now a joy that is "Vivid." "_Post equitem?_" Ah! his reliance, At least, wasn't placed on "Defiance." * * * * * RATHER FAMILIAR!--It was announced in the _Times_ that "Canon G. F. BROWNE will lecture at St. Paul's, in January," on "_The Christian Church before the coming of Augustus_." The Canon ought to have said "_Sir_ AUGUSTUS." Of course there is only one "AUGUSTUS," _i.e._ our "DRURIOLANUS." * * * * * UNDER THE ROSE. (_A Story in Scenes._) SCENE XVII.--_The Drawing-room at Hornbeam Lodge._ CURPHEW _and_ ALTHEA _are standing at some distance from one another, in evident constraint_.