"They grew in beauty side by side, They filled one home with glee"-- Until they found respective graves Alas! in you and me. And then to win a gift next morn We vowed with solemn mien, Whoe'er should greet the other first With "_Bon jour_, PHILIPPINE!" "_Bon jour_"--I dreamt of it all night, At dawn recalled it yet, But clean forgot it whilst I shaved-- At breakfast then we met. I'd only time, I know, to think Maid sweeter ne'er was seen, When you, with laughter-dancing eyes, Cried, "_Bon jour_, PHILIPPINE!" And so you won a gift from me, And chose that I should write These verses, which I've pondered o'er For many a sleepless night! I'll never crack another nut, When you are there, I mean; Yet may you greet me often--save With "_Bon jour_, PHILIPPINE!" * * * * * MOTTO FOR MODERN MANAGERS.--The proper study of (theatre-going) Mankind is--the _New Woman._ * * * * * [Illustration: "WHO SAID--'ATROCITIES'?" (_After the Popular Engraving._) "OLD AS I AM, MY FEELINGS HAVE NOT BEEN DEADENED IN REGARD TO MATTERS OF SUCH A DREADFUL DESCRIPTION."--_Mr. Gladstone's Birthday Speech at Hawarden on the Armenian Atrocities, December 29._] * * * * * THE VESTRYMAN. A COMIC SONG FOR SERIOUS CONSIDERATION. (_By an Elderly Victim of Bumbledom._) ["The London Vestries and Boards of Works have not exactly covered themselves with glory in their dealings with the recent snowfall. In very few neighbourhoods was any attempt made on Wednesday to remove the slush, and Nature having taking her course during the night, in the direction of a frost early yesterday morning, the streets in many places were absolutely impassable for wheeled traffic until a liberal layer of sand and gravel had been spread."--_Daily Chronicle, January 4._] AIR--"_The Bogie Man._" Come, gather round me, ratepayers, So full of fun and glee; New Bumble's going to play the fool To please the L. C. C. They swear that he is able Improvements for to plan; I love to hear Progressives say, "Hush! The New Vestryman!" _Chorus._ _Slush! Slush!! Slush!!!_ _Where is_ the Vestryman? Are broom and shovel ready? What _is_ his brand new plan? Oh, Slush! Slush! Slush!-- The footways never ran With a worse slithery slippery slop, 'Neath the Old Vestryman. When I sit down, impromptu, All in a soft snow-pie; Or slide a yard, then come down hard, I groan, and wonder why. I blow my blue numb fingers, I watch a fast-stuck van; Reform, I cry, seems all my eye. Where _is_ that Vestryman? _Chorus._ _Slush! Slush!! Slush!!!_ Why _is_ this, Vestryman? Is this the outcome shady Of the Progressive plan? Oh, Slush! Slush! Slush! No gravel, sand, or tan! All slip and slop. I'd like to _whop_ That blessed Vestryman!!!