_W._ Yes, Sir; thank you, Sir. _F. L._ Waiter, don't take that money. This is my affair. _W._ Yes, Sir. _S. L._ It's all over now, old chap. It's paid. Come along. (_Gets up._) _F. L. (producing a sovereign)._ That's for the bill, waiter. I don't know anything about that other money. _S. L._ But it's paid. It's done with. _F. L._ Oh, no. You mustn't do that. It's my lunch. I asked you, you know. Why, I told my wife this morning that you were lunching with me to-day. _S. L._ I asked you first, you know. _F. L._ I don't think so, old chap; I don't indeed. _S. L._ I assure you I never had a shadow of doubt about it. I took it for granted that you knew you were lunching with me and I was the host. Otherwise should I have made that fuss about the omelette? Should I now? _F. L._ I was very glad you did. I felt that you felt at home. _S. L._ It puts me in such an awkward position. Really, I should take it as a personal favour if you'd let me pay. _F. L._ No, no. No, no. This is my affair. I asked you. _S. L._ I asked you first. _F. L._ No, no. No, no. Come along. Here's your sovereign. _S. L._ Well, I consent, but under protest. Next time you really lunch with me. _F. L._ Right-o. I'd love to. * * * * * "Lines of an alliterative character will occur to anyone who has read much poetry. There is a notable example in Shelley's 'Skylark.' 'Singing still dost roar, and roaring ever singest.'" _Dublin Sunday Independent._ A man we know does this much better than any skylark. * * * * * _The Daily Chronicle_ (of Kingston, Jamaica) informs its readers that "According to Theopompus, a waiter of the fourth century B.C., the Epirots were divided into fourteen independent tubes." The waiters of Epirus must have found this a great convenience when ordering meals from the kitchen. * * * * * SOUR GOATS! [Illustration: (_An Imaginary Idyll of the Mappin Terraces at the Zoo._)] * * * * * BLANCHE'S LETTERS. Vagaries of the Moment. _Park Lane._ Dearest Daphne,--This is completely a _jewel_ season. People may be just as glittery as they like. Heads, necks and arms don't monopolise the pretty-pretties now, and, what with jewelled tunics, girdles, shoes, stockings and "_Honi soits_," as well as gems on what little corsage and skirt one may be wearing, one's jewel-box may be quite _quite_ emptied every evening. Indeed, if we hadn't plenty of jewels I sometimes wonder, my dear, what our _grande toilette_ would consist of! And this has led to the launching of "Olga's" latest triumph, the lock-up evening wrap--a charming affair, thickly plated with sequins and fastening with the dearest little _real_ locks all down the front from the throat to the toes!