Punch, or the London Charivari, May 13, 1914Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, May 13, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
From that day Johnny has interpreted Dr. John Bull's favourite
composition nine times every morning. As this has been going on for
three months, and as the line I mentioned has two special rehearsals to
itself before coming out right, you can easily work out how many
send-him-victoriouses Johnny and I have collaborated in. About two
thousand.
Very well. Now, you ask yourself, why did I not send a polite note to
Johnny's father asking him to restrain his little boy from
over-composition, begging him not to force the child's musical genius
too quickly, imploring him (in short) to lock up the piano and lose the
key? What kept me from this course? The answer is "Patriotism." Those
deep feelings for his country which one man will express glibly by
rising nine times during the morning at the sound of the National
Anthem, another will direct to more solid uses. It was my duty, I felt,
not to discourage Johnny. He was showing qualities which could not fail,
when he grew up, to be of value to the nation. Loyalty, musical genius,
determination, patience, industry--never before have these qualities
been so finely united in a child of six. Was I to say a single word to
disturb the delicate balance of such a boy's mind? At six one is
extraordinarily susceptible to outside influence. A word from his father
to the effect that the gentleman above was getting sick of it, and
Johnny's whole life might be altered.
No, I would bear it grimly.
And then, yesterday, who should write to me but Johnny's father himself.
This was the letter:--
"Dear Sir,--I do not wish to interfere unduly in the affairs of the
other occupants of these flats, but I feel bound to call your attention
to the fact that for many weeks now there has been a flow of water from
your bathroom which has penetrated through the ceiling of my bathroom,
particularly after you have been using the room in the mornings. May I
therefore beg you to be more careful in future not to splash or spill
water on your floor, seeing that it causes inconvenience to the tenants
beneath you?
Yours faithfully, Jno. McAndrew."
You can understand how I felt about this. For months I had been
suffering Johnny in silence; yet, at the first little drop of water,
from above, Johnny's father must break out into violent abuse of me. A
fine reward! Well, Johnny's future could look after itself now; anyhow,
he was doomed with a selfish father like that.
"Dear Sir," I answered defiantly,--"Now that we are writing to each
other I wish to call your attention to the fact that for many months
past there has been a constant flow of one-fingered music from your
little boy, which penetrates through the floor of my library and makes
all work impossible. May I beg you therefore to see that your child is
taught a new tune immediately, seeing that the National Anthem has lost
its first freshness for the tenants above him?"
His reply to this came to-day.
"Dear Sir,--I have no child.
Yours faithfully, Jno. McAndrew."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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