Punch, or the London Charivari, May 13, 1914Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, May 13, 1914
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
A scholar of wide reading, a man of shrewd judgment, and, as his
government of Canada disclosed, a statesman of high degree, he might
have filled a part in public affairs at least as lofty as that commanded
by his distinguished father. Debarred from such career he was content to
live up to the highest standard of Christian conduct. If a line of
commentary might be added to the inscription on the coffin which
to-morrow journeys northward to lie beside those of the ten Dukes of
Argyll at rest in the burial-place of the Campbells at Kilmun, here it
is written in one of the oldest of Books: "He went about doing good."
_Business done._--Commons resume debate on Budget.
* * * * *
FLORAL DANGERS.
Dear, I do not send you flowers,
Though I notice day by day
That, 'neath Spring's recurring powers,
All the shops are perfect bowers
With the floral wealth of May;
I could get you quite a heap,
Fresh and reasonably cheap.
Here is many a fragrant rose
Mingling with the scented pea,
Hyacinths whose odour flows
Fondly to the grateful nose,
These, and many more, there be;
You should have them like a shot,
But I think you'd bettor not.
Science 'tis that bids me pause;
'Tis by her the tale is told
That, by Nature's mystic laws,
Blossoms are a frequent cause
Of a lady catching cold;
Their aroma, so she says,
Irritates the passages.
Whether this is quite exact
May be food for questioning;
But, as it's a painful fact
That your membrane is attacked
Thus about the prime of Spring,
I, who hold your welfare dear,
May not leave it with a sneer.
Wherefore, much though I aspire
You, and you alone, to please,
I refrain from this desire,
For 'twould set my heart on fire
If I made my lady wheeze;
I should well-nigh perish if
Aught from me should rouse a sniff.
Dum-Dum.
* * * * *
"In connection with the daily service at St. Enoch's Parish
Church, it would be possible to have marriage celebrated at two
o'clock on any particular week-day. That meant that in ordinary
circumstances it would be possible to have marriage celebrated
in St. Enoch's Church at two o'clock on any week day."--_Glasgow
Evening Times._
Left to ourselves, we were just arriving at the same conclusion.
* * * * *
"Captain W. M. Turner joined Freeman, and played the best
cricket of the day. He bit hard on the off-side."--_Daily
Telegraph._
We always move to the leg side of the field when Captain Turner comes
in.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Mr. Brown._ "Yes, this civil war business in Ireland is
terrible--terrible--but, good heavens, Maria, why isn't there any onion
sauce?"]
* * * * *
AT THE PLAY.
"The Dangerous Age."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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