"Here," said the authoritative tones of the law, "I think you've been leaning against this pillar-box long enough. If you can't walk I'll help you home." Thus does metallic prose invade the delicate realms of supernature. * * * * * "Captain Amilcar Magalhaes, chief of the Brazilian Mission, accompanying Mr. Roosevelt, says the ex-President has discovered a tribe of savages named Panhates. The total bag collected on the expedition amounts to about 2,000 specimens.--Reuter." _Sussex Daily News._ The flower of the tribe, no doubt. * * * * * [Illustration: _Promising Member of Junior Form (having been given a lesson on Samson and told to write an account of him)_, "I forgot that man's name you was telling us about, so I called him 'Archie.'"] * * * * * WATER IS BEST. (_General Villa, who is a teetotaler, has denounced General Huerta as an old drunkard._) When sons of Bacchus Fiercely attack us, Lauding the majesty of Alcohol, And, spite of Horsley, Indulge quite coarsely In panegyrics of dry Monopole-- For consolation In our vexation The news from Mexico we gladly hail, Learning how Villa Shuns Manzanilla And only slakes his thirst with Adam's ale. No wonder Wilson The beer of Pilsen Regards as liquid death within the pot, When even a bandit Can't stick or stand it, And gibes at Huerta as an aged sot! Let senile soakers And jaded jokers Their bottle-noses still incarnadine, But we, with Villa, Prefer Vanilla Or Sarsaparilla to the choicest wine. Port, brandy, sherry Make idiots merry-- They're little use when civil wars begin; Men who can slaughter Upon barley-water Are in the long run always bound to win. * * * * * NATURE STUDY. The following letter may have been noticed in the columns of _The Daily Eye_ some weeks ago:-- _The Lilac Grove_, _Moonvale Park, S.E._ Sir,--On looking out of my bedroom window this morning at 6 o'clock I observed a cuckoo eating ripe strawberries in the garden next but one to mine. It occurs to me that for a cuckoo to be in a suburban garden eating ripe strawberries so early in the year as April 15 is somewhat unusual. Can you tell me whether this has ever been known before? Yours etc., Augustus Quest. We understand that the following further letter has been sent to the Editor of _The Daily Eye_ by the writer of the above, but has not appeared in print:--