A clerk employed behind the counter at a post-office in the South of England recently rescued a young girl from drowning. In order to show their appreciation of the young man's bravery, local residents have now decided to purchase their stamps at his post-office. * * * "Life is uncertain and often full of trouble," bewails a writer in the "Picture" Press. Still, in our opinion it's the only thing worth living. * * * On two separate occasions last week a cat entered one of the largest churches in Yorkshire whilst a wedding was in progress. This supports our belief that feline society is contemplating the introduction of more ceremony into their own marriage system. * * * Ex-sailors on the reserve need not be alarmed by the repeated rumours that a surprise mobilisation of the Fleet may be ordered very shortly, as we now have it on good authority that, in order to ensure its complete success, plenty of notice will be given to them beforehand. * * * Women are said to be fonder than men are of morbid stage plays. Weddings also have a greater fascination for them. * * * Mr. T. A. EDISON is reported to have invented a machine to record communication with the other world. As a final experiment an attempt is to be made to get into touch with the POET LAUREATE. * * * The motor-car of polished steel and no paint-work is the latest innovation. It is said that this will do away with the objection of pedestrians that under present conditions one cannot be knocked down without soiling one's clothing. * * * "Water," says an official of the Metropolitan Water Board, "costs far too much to waste to-day." Adulterated with whisky, we believe it costs about eightpence a time. * * * * * Illustration: DIPLOMACY. _Mistress._ "NORAH, WILL YOU TRY TO HAVE THE STEAK A LITTLE MORE UNDERDONE?" _Norah_ (_bristling up_). "IS IT FINDING FAULT YE ARE?" _Mistress._ "OH, NO, NO! I MERELY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICER FOR YOU NOT TO REMAIN OVER THE FIRE SO LONG." * * * * * The Music of the Future. "MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS. For Sale, one small Economic Roller, 1 Brown's triple action Roller, 2 Eastern Produce Roll Breakers, 1 Updraft Sirocco Dryer--all the above in good order and can be seen working. 1 Saw Mill, good order. 1 Souter's roll Breaker, fair order."--_Ceylon Paper._ * * * * * "Mr. ---- won L400,000 at Aix-les-Bains. The lucky player, _who was educated at Harrow_...."--_Daily Paper._ The italics are Mr. Punch's. Are our public schools beginning to advertise? * * * * * FALLING PRICES. (_With grateful acknowledgments to the Commercial Statistician of "The Times."_)