Punch or the London Charivari, October 10, 1920Various
General
Punch or the London Charivari, October 10, 1920
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
Professor Prawling is of opinion that it _can_, but only if and when the
evils of co-partnership and co-operation have been neutralized by a
diastolic synthesis. To compute exactly the extent to which these evils
have been developed he has devised a syncretic abacus, in which, on the
principle of the spectroscope, the aplanatic foci are arranged in
fluorescent nodules each equidistant from the metacentre. With a
frankness that cannot be too highly commended, Professor Prawling admits
that this instrument is founded on BENTHAM'S Panopticon. But the
deviations from BENTHAM and the expansions of his machine are far more
remarkable than the resemblances to it. Prawling--if he will allow us
the familiarity--is not a utilitarian. His aim is to re-establish our
textile pre-eminence by reconciling monistic individualism with the
fullest solidarity of the social complex. He is meticulously careful in
stressing the point that the demarcations arrived at by the use of his
abacus are not absolute, but conditioned by EINSTEIN'S theory of
relativity. The ancillary industries, each moving in its orbit, whether
jurassic or botulistic, must be placed on a contractual basis with
liberty of preferential retaliation. Thus the whole industrial polyphony
is linked up by enharmonic modulations, and thrombosis--or, at any rate,
conglucination--of the central ganglia of commerce is reduced to
negligible dimensions.
At this juncture it is well to point out in the interests of clarity
that regurgitation can only be avoided by a rigorous adhesion to the
canon of CRITTENDEN--that the unit of nutrition must vary inversely with
the square of dilution.
It will thus be seen that by the logical application of a few simple and
easily apprehended principles Professor Prawling has built up a great
edifice of practical economics, which, whether we regard it in its
subliminal or its pragmatic aspects, cannot fail to have influence on
the dynamics of International Industrialism.
One word more. The conglucination theory appeals with especial force to
_Punch_, because it reminds him of the kindred and remarkable
speculation on Snooling discussed by him many years ago. The new theory,
like the old, deserves to be treated "in no spirit of sedentary
sentimentalism, but in its largest and most oleaginous entirety. It is
no plan for fixing hat-pegs in a passage, nor is it a mode of treating
neuralgia with treacle." How true and appropriate this is. _Mutatis
mutandis_ we may add the further statement that it is "the truest and
tenderest thesis that can occupy the most calculating cosmopolite." The
corporate pursuit of a granulated conglucination is perhaps the highest
achievement of which the present generation is capable.
* * * * *
Illustration: "I TRUST YOU'LL EXCUSE ME MENTIONING IT, MY GOOD FELLOW,
BUT THAT IS THE RIGHT ENTRANCE--ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ROAD."
* * * * *
More Impending Apologies.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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