_King Alfred_ (_to shopman_). "AH! I SEE YOU STOCK MY PATENT CANDLE-CLOCKS. HOW ARE THEY SELLING?" _Shopman._ "THEY'RE SELLING LIKE HOT----I MEAN THERE'S QUITE A RUN ON THEM, YOUR MAJESTY." * * * * * A Confession. "The ---- Manufacturing Co. (The Profiteering Stranglers)." _Advt. in Provincial Paper._ * * * * * "Wanted, 1,000 pairs running shoes for local expeditionary force about to be organised."--_North China Daily News._ The wise commander always prepares for a retreat. * * * * * The limits of age for entrance to the [Royal Air Force] college will be from 157-1/2 to 1 years."--_Daily Paper._ "Percy ---- has recently joined the R. A. F. He is only 199 years of age."--_Local Paper._ We are sorry for PERCY, who will probably get the "push" as soon as the authorities find out that he has exceeded their very liberal age-limit. * * * * *