Punch, or the London Charivari, The Christmas Number, 1890 — John Shaqi
Punch, or the London Charivari, The Christmas Number, 1890Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, The Christmas Number, 1890
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
For the evening a state-ball at the Royal Palace had been announced.
Thither, at the appointed hour, _Mr. Punch_ and his hoary associate
were conveyed. As they approached, the royal band struck up a martial
air, the Lord Chamberlain advanced to meet them, and ushered them into
the magnificent hall in which the guests were assembling. From this a
wide double staircase led up to a marble gallery. Hall, gallery, and
staircase were filled with a brilliant crowd; the men arrayed in every
variety of uniform; the ladies, to a woman, in V-shaped dresses, the
openness of which appeared to vary in a direct ratio to the age of
their wearers.
[Illustration]
"We will repose awhile," _Mr. Punch_ remarked to the Father, "and
scan the multitude. This, my dear Tempus, is the pick of Society.
That stout lady, with a face like a haughty turtle, is the Duchess of
DOUBLECHIN; that graceful little woman next to her is Lady ANGELINA
BATTLEAXE--she is a dress-maker."
"A what?" inquired Father TIME.
"A dress-maker," answered the Master, calmly.
"In her shop, ancient notions forsaking,
The proud ANGELINA unbends;
And her figure's a tall one for making
A fit for the figures of friends.
Our cynical latter-day Catos
Are dumb when invited to dine
With a Marquis who deals in potatoes,
Or an Earl who takes orders for wine.
And, though old-fashioned folk think it funny,
It's as common as death, or as debts,
To find gentlemen making their money
Out of shops for the making of bets.
The stout puffy old fellow there is the wealthiest man in Jupiter.
He floats mines, asteroid mines mostly, and makes it pay him. He
can command the very best society. Those ladies clustering round the
Prince-Royal come from over the ocean. Pretty, but twangy. A fresh
consignment arrives every year. And the Prince-Royal has the pick of
them."
[Illustration]
But before _Mr. Punch_ could finish his explanatory sketch, a
tremendous uproar was heard in the court-yard of the Palace. There
was a sound as of a huge mob shouting in unison, shots were heard, and
cries of "Liberty for Ever:" vent the air. The royal guests were in
a state of terrible agitation. An orderly covered with mud forced his
way through the crowd, up the stairs, and stood before the King.
"Your Majesty," he panted, "a revolution has broken out. The populace
has erected barricades, the deposition of your House has been
declared, and a Republic proclaimed. The mob is now marching to the
Palace."
The King drew himself up to his full height. Where are my Golf-clubs?
he asked in a calm voice.
"Your Majesty, they have been seized and secreted."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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