He never dances--but he goes about, And you will always meet him "everywhere," And sometimes after supper he'll sit out A dance or two, provided she is fair. Some day he'll stoop to raise her to his throne, Look tame and tired of wild oats--for a time; And, when They reap the whirlwind he has sown, We'll talk of his misfortune and her crime. * * * * * THOSE SILENT BOOTS. _Burglar's Ballad._ AIR--"_Those Evening Bells._" Those Silent Boots! Those Silent Boots! When out upon our gay galoots, 'Twill give us coves the bloomin' jumps, If we carn't 'ear the Copper's clumps! 'Ave Bobby's Bluchers passed away? That there will bust the Burglar's lay! Wot, _silent_ "Slops"--like evening swells? It's wus than them electric bells! No, no! I 'opes, till _I_ am gone, The Bobby's Boots will still clump on. Their warnin' sound our bizness soots, But bust the thought o' _Silent_ Boots! * * * * * SOME EVILL-MINDED PERSONS.--At the Royal Academy of Music the competition for the Evill Prize took place last Friday, which, to unsuccessful competitors was a day of Evill omen. This is one of the rare instances where "Out of Evill cometh good." * * * * * "ART, HOW SHE IS LEARNED." SCENE--_London. Time--any day of the Week between Show Sunday and Academy Sunday. Present--two_ Art Critics _a la Mode_. _First A. C._ (_after a pause_). Yes, met a crowd of people last Sunday. Bad memory myself, but hanged if I can remember why I went out on Sunday. _Second A. C._ (_after consideration_). And I too. I hate going out on a Sunday as a rule, but I went last week. However, might have been worse fun. Met PEACOCK girls. Rather good form. _First A. C._ Yes, Jolly. Going to meet 'em next Sunday,--Mulberry Road. _Second A. C._ (_lighting a cigarette_). I'm going to the Mulberry Road too. _First A. C._ (_also lighting a cigarette_). But why? _Second A. C._ (_after smoking for two minutes in silence_). Haven't the faintest idea! Stay! Ah! (_Producing tiny memorandum book._) Here it is, April 2nd--Mulberry Road--Academy Pictures. _First A. C._ (_with returning intelligence_). Of course! Why, that's what we went about. To see the pictures! _Second A. C._ (_with further intelligence_). Yes. Going next Sunday to Mulberry Road to see the pictures again. Rather fun, seeing pictures! _First C._ (_after a long pause_). Yes, rather. [_Scene closes in upon their commencing to discuss some other subject._ * * * * * [Illustration: FORTUNE'S FOOL. "WELL, IF THAT DON'T BEAT HEVERYTHINK, 'AVEN'T SET UP 'ERE IN BUSINESS A MONTH, AND THEY'RE GOIN' TO REDRAIN THE 'OLE PLACE!"] * * * * * QUITE A CHIC CARGO!