_Mrs. Flitt._ Yes; and he might offer to pay for hiring the Hall, and the other expenses. I never thought of that. I'll see whom I can get. Really I think it ought to be great fun, and we shall have the satisfaction of feeling we are doing real good, which is such a comfort! * * * * * [Illustration: A GENTLE SNUB. "HERE, WAITER, QUICK! SOMETHING TO EAT--AND LOOK SHARP!" "YESSIR. WHAT'LL YOU 'AVE, SIR?" "OH--ANYTHING--I DON'T CARE. CHOP OR STEAK--WHATEVER YOU LIKE." "YOU MUST EXCUSE ME, SIR; BUT I DON'T FEEL CALLED UPON TO DECIDE!"] * * * * * A Tip to Teetotallers. TEMPERANCE is good--but not alone in Drink! Good causes are not won, whate'er you think, By bullying indulgence in bad manners. A total abstinence from aught unfair Will serve you best. Your Standard raise in air, But Banners of Intemperance should not tear Passions to rags--_nor Banners_! * * * * * THE _Times_ of April 12 says:--"The Kachin (or Katchin) rising is stated to be serious, and likely to spread." Not to be wondered at, as it's "Katchin." * * * * * A TELEGRAM from Fez ought to be considered as coming from Head-quarters. * * * * * CLERICAL OUTCOMES. _To the Editor of "The St-nd-rd."_ SIR,--Allow me to mention, under all reserve, that I _frequently_ preach a sermon of JEREMY TAYLOR'S, or the Judicious HOOKER'S, to my congregation, with excellent effect, and hitherto without any discovery on their part of the origin of the discourse. I, of course, alter the old-fashioned phrases, and bring the sermons up to date, so to speak. This plan saves the inconvenience of having to _pay_ for sermons, which I could not do in cash in these days of clerical destitution, only in sermon paper, which I fear would not be accepted. If I am accused of "cribbing sermons," I deny the charge with indignation. I don't crib JEREMY, I _adapt_ him. Does every dramatist, who adapts from the French, acknowledge the fact? Not at all! Neither does-- Yours unblushingly, BORROWED PLUME-AGE. SIR,--My congregation is a rustic one. I have tried them with my own sermons, but my pewrents suffered so severely in consequence, that I have been obliged to give them up. Last Sunday (following the advice of a lay friend of mine in Town, in whom I have much confidence) I preached one of Prebendary SHEEPSHANKS' "Crampton Lectures" to them, and the farmers and labourers seemed much impressed. There was, in fact, hardly an open eye in Church during the hour and a half that the delivery lasted. The Charity-School children, too, who sat through the whole of it, only had to be physically admonished by their teacher about once in every half-minute. When an old village dame afterwards assured me that "she didn't know I was that larned," I felt--momentarily--rather like a wolf in SHEEPSHANKS' clothes. But I intend going through the course.