_Mrs. Goldie._ "NOW, MURIEL, YOU KNOW HOW YOUR FATHER KEEPS WORRYING ABOUT EXTRAVAGANCE, AND OF COURSE I MUST SET AN EXAMPLE. SO I'M GOING TO THE PUBLIC LIBRARY TO SEE THE EVENING PAPER!"] * * * * * THE CRY OF THE CUE-IST. (_To the Champion, by a Discouraged Competitor._) Break, break, break, On the smooth green board, O JOHN! And I would civil words could utter My thoughts, as the game goes on! O well for the three-figure runs You have made since we opened play! O ill for my nine thousand start, Which you're lessening day by day! And the marvellous shots go on To your score, which is mounting still! But O for a touch of that wondrous hand, And a slice of that startling skill! Break, break, break! _There's_ a shot! Great Scott! O, see! What tender grace! And if once ahead You will never "come back" to me! * * * * * "EPSOM SPRING MEETING."--In former times this used to be a fashionable rendezvous for invalids who went there to drink the beneficial waters of the Epsom Spring. Now there is not much water taken at these Spring Meetings; and what water is taken is not "an unmixed good." * * * * * A LESSON IN "BOOK-KEEPING."--Never lend one. * * * * * AFTER THE VOLUNTEER REVIEW. SCENE--_An Office._ BROWN _and_ JONES _discovered talking over the incidents of the recent holiday._ _Brown._ Yes; I was up at six on the Monday. _Jones._ Well, you were in luck; for I had to be ready by four. The battalion had to be drawn up at the station by 4.45. _Brown._ To be sure. You went down before we did. _Jones._ Yes. I wish we had got some coffee before starting. _Brown._ But you had your breakfast on your arrival, didn't you? _Jones._ Yes, to be sure; but as we were a bit late, it was rather a scramble. _Brown._ Well, of course one has to get on to parade as soon as possible. We cut it rather fine too. But that's the case with all of us. _Jones._ To be sure; and if you lose time at one end, you must make up for it at the other--that stands to reason. And how did you get on? _Brown._ First rate. We were on the march from nine to five. _Jones._ So were we; and didn't have time scarcely to get to our havresacks. _Brown._ Just our fortune. Always on the move. I wore out my leathers in fine style. _Jones._ So did I. And then we had to go back to the train before we could get any dinner. _Brown._ My fate too. And, when I got home, the slavey had forgotten to lay supper! _Jones._ So had mine. But still it was a glorious holiday--now, wasn't it? _Brown._ I should say it was! A glorious holiday! [_They return to their ledgers._ * * * * * QUEER QUERIES.