Stiff job for a little 'un? Yes! If he doesn't pull straight there'll be bother, Must make the best of 'un I guess, This time, for I sha'an't get no other. Gee up! I shall have a good try, On that they may bet their last dollar. It's do, poor old crook, now, or die! But--I _must_ keep 'un oop to the collar! * * * * * "This room is very close!" said Mrs. R., settling herself down to her knitting, which her nephew had furtively unravelled. "Open the window, TOM, and let out the asphyxia." * * * * * LINES ON THE AUTHOR OF THE LABOUR BUREAU. (_By a Labourer._) 'Ooray for Mister MUNDELLA, (Who's under Old GLADDY'S umbrella.) For he's a jolly good fella, And so say all of _hus_! With a 'ip, 'ip, 'ip, 'ooray! We hope the Bureau may pay. Of course it might well have been better, But then--it might have been _wus_! * * * * * EMPHASIS GRATIA.--What a difference a slight emphasis makes in an ordinary sentence! The _D. T._ when giving, in advance, an account of a marriage to be solemnised the same afternoon, spoke thus concerning the costumes of the very youthful bridesmaids. "They will wear dresses of very pale blue silk, made up with ivory-hued lace." Now, had the second word been in italics, it would have read thus, "They _will_ wear," &c., as if everything had been done to prevent them from so arraying themselves, "but, in spite of all efforts, they _will_ wear dresses of very pale blue!" So obstinate of them! Such nice little ladies, too! * * * * * "The Liberal-Unionists have resolved to abstain from pairing during the present Session." So _The Times_. "Birds in their little nests agree," quoth the eminent Dr. WATTS; but these Parliamentary Birds will belie their name of "Unionists" if they refuse to "pair." * * * * * TELEGRAM FROM HAWAIANS TO AMERICAN PRESIDENT.--"WE would be U.S." * * * * * THE ANTI----? Your aid let me ask in a difficult task, _Mr. Punch_, with the greatest submission; To win for my name a well-merited fame was always my ardent ambition, And clearly to-day the least difficult way is to send an appeal to the papers, To form an intrigue for creating a league against fashion-designers and drapers. Thereby shall I reap an advertisement cheap, and writers, with much perseverance, Will furnish as news their apocryphal views on my appetite, age, and appearance; They all will revere my conviction sincere, and loudly re-echo my praises, But the thing which, as yet, I'm unable to get, is a novel departure in crazes