But if you break the vow you take, And dowries get, you are A thousand pound to forfeit bound, Which beats COPHETUA. So you by stealth can't marry wealth, Not if in debt you are; But, as we see, resemble the Late King COPHETUA. O men elsewhere, Mammas declare How hard to net you are! You can't be led poor girls to wed Like King COPHETUA. Consider, then, these noble men, And you'll regret you are Unmarried still, and quickly will Do like COPHETUA! * * * * * PUT A STOP TO IT!--A Correspondent, signing himself "O'NOODLE," asks, "What does this mean? See Cook's _Guide-Book to Paris_, page 23:--'Visitors should take the precautions against pickpockets recommended by the Administration.'" A comma or a dash after "precautions," and another after "pickpockets," or put pickpockets into brackets--handcuff 'em, in fact--and then O'NOODLE will get at the sense of the paragraph. * * * * * A DOLE-FUL PROSPECT. _Easter._--Wonder what the effect of the BISHOP'S appeal to the "loyal laity," to come down heavily with Easter Offerings to the Clergy, will be? Rather an exciting day for me. Hard-up is not the word for my condition at present. Can't keep myself, and have to keep a Gardener and a Curate! A lot of cast-off clothes arrive from "A SYMPATHETIC PARISHIONER!" How degrading! Wish BISHOP OF WORCESTER hadn't said that he knew a Clergyman who stayed in bed because he had no decent clothes to wear. Congregation seem to think he meant _me_! Two blankets, and a rig-out of "Cellular under-clothing," from "CHURCH DEFENCE," addressed to "Our Beloved but Impoverished Incumbent." Quite insulting! Give blankets to Gardener, and send the Cellular things to Curate, as his tendencies are distinctly monastic. Letter from a Newmarket Bookmaker! Says he hears I'm in want of Easter Offerings, so he offers to "put me on to a good thing for the Derby." I am, apparently, to forward him a L5 note, and he returns me L50 "without fail." Tempting, but haven't got a L5 note to send. Arrival at my quiet Vicarage of a donkey, a cow, two pigs, and a dozen barndoor fowls! Perhaps, in honour of the pigs, I might call this a "sow Easter!" The whole menagerie sent by neighbouring farmers. Wish they'd send me arrears of rent for glebe instead; yet I daren't ask for them. Evidently intended as Easter "gifts in kind;" but not the kind I want. Send donkey on to Curate, and tether cow in back-yard, not having a field. Pigs temporarily accommodated in back kitchen. Cook threatens to give notice.