SCENE--_The Old Bailey._ Judge _seated on the Bench, thoroughly enjoying himself_. Prisoner _in the Dock_. Jurymen _in the Box_. Counsel, Solicitors, _and_ Public, _in attendance_. _Judge._ Now I will swear the Jury. _Officer of the Court._ I beg your Lordship's pardon, but I have always been accustomed to---- _Judge_ (_interrupting_). Not at all; I will do it myself. You can't give _me_ too much work. (_Swears the_ Jury.) And now, Prisoner, what do you plead, guilty or not guilty? _Prisoner._ Well, my Lord, I should say---- [Illustration] _Judge._ Not guilty. Quite right, always give yourself the benefit of the doubt. You can't imagine what stupid Jurymen we have sometimes. Quite right to say Not guilty. And now who appears for the prosecution? _Counsel._ I do, my Lord, I---- _Judge._ Glad to see the eminent counsel here, and I know of no one who can better conduct a case. Still, with my learned friend's or rather my learned brother's, I should say the learned Counsel's permission, I will just open for the Crown myself. (_Opens for the Crown with brilliant effect. Applause._) No; I cannot allow any demonstration of that sort. By the way (_to_ Counsel for the Prosecution), Have we any witnesses? _Counsel._ Yes, my Lord, a Police Sergeant. _Judge._ Oh, indeed, I will soon settle him. (Witness _enters box and is sworn_.) And now, you Sir, I am not going to allow any speeches--so be on your guard. (_Examines and cross-examines him._) Have we any more witnesses? _Counsel._ No, my Lord--that is our case. _Judge._ Quite so. The face of the learned Counsel, who is retained for the defence, is new to me, but if he has no objection, I will open for him. _Counsel._ As your Lordship pleases. _Judge._ Thank you. (_Addresses the Jury._) And now, if we have no witnesses, I think I will sum up. (_To_ Counsel for the Defence.) Have we any witnesses? _Counsel._ As your Lordship pleases. _Judge._ Well, I think we won't call any witnesses, because then the Prosecution won't have a reply. _Counsel._ As your Lordship pleases. _Judge._ Quite so. And now, Gentlemen of the Jury, I have now my own special functions to perform. I will sum up the case in my judicial capacity. You must know then----(_Sums up._) And now I will leave you to decide upon your verdict. (_Jury consults._) Or perhaps you would like to leave the matter to me? _Foreman of the Jury._ As your Lordship pleases. _Judge._ Thank you. Then I think we may say "Guilty." Prisoner at the Bar, it is now my duty to sentence you. I think, under all the circumstances of the case, that I need not treat you too harshly. There is no doubt that the prosecution has been conducted in a very able manner; and this remark is equally applicable to the manner in which the defence has been carried out. I think a month's imprisonment will be sufficient. Prisoner, you are sentenced to a month's imprisonment. _Prisoner._ As your Lordship pleases.