Produced by V. L. Simpson, Juliet Sutherland and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI VOL 104. March 18, 1893. [Illustration: "WELL MATCHED." _Medico_ (_pathetically, with a view to touching the Dealer's heart_). "NOW, MR. BOBBS, WHAT _DO_ YOU THINK I COULD GET A THOROUGHLY GOOD USEFUL PAIR OF HORSES FOR, EH? PRICE NOT STIFF." _Mr. Bobbs._ "LOR' BLESS YOU, SIR, TO FIND HORSES--NOTHIN' EASIER. BUT, AS REGARDS _PRICE_--WELL--YOU CAN HAVE 'EM AT ALL PRICES, JUST AS YOU CAN DOCTORS!"] * * * * * MIXED NOTIONS. No. VII.--PARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURE. (_Scene and Persons as usual._) _Inquirer_ (_to First Well-Informed Man_). I say, have you ever been in the House of Commons? _First W. I. M._ (_shortly_). No, you know I haven't. _Inquirer._ Oh, I don't mean as a Member. Of course I know you wouldn't stand the rot of all these Constituents, or whatever they call themselves. But have you ever been there as a visitor while a debate's going on? _First W. I. M._ Yes, once--some years ago. But why do you ask? _Inquirer_ (_producing an order of admission_). Well, you see, I got old JENKINS to give me a ticket for to-night, and I'm hanged if I know how I'm to get there, or when I'm to go, or anything about it. I thought you might be able to tell me how it's done. _First W. I. M._ Let's have a look at your ticket. [_Both the_ Well-Informed Men _inspect it with an air of critical sagacity._ _First W. I. M._ (_after a prolonged pause_). I don't see where your difficulty is. You just present this! at the door. _Inquirer._ Ah, I daresay!--but what door? That's what I want to know. The place looks as if it had about fifty thousand doors, you know. And then I believe, if you make any mistakes, they march you off, in two-twos, as a dynamiter, or a Socialist, or an agitator, or something. You know old BONKER. Well, he went there once with a black bag, in which he'd got some sandwiches and cake, and, just because he wouldn't open it, they made no end of a row, and shoved him in the Clock-tower, or something, until he apologised. I don't want any of those games, you know. _Average Man._ Don't take a black bag then. They won't want to search your pockets. _Inquirer_ (_relieved_). Won't they? That's one comfort, at any rate. Do you think I ought to go in at the big entrance? _First W. I. M._ Of course you ought. The others are only for Members. _Inquirer._ Ah! And I suppose I ought to get there pretty early now that they've changed their hours. (_With determination._) I'll go about half-past eleven. [_A pause. They read papers._ _Inquirer_ (_suddenly, with intense alarm_). Oh, I say, look here, you chaps. Here's old GLADSTONE gone and suspended the Twelve o'Clock Rule. What does that mean? _Second W. I. M._ It means that they start everything at twelve o'clock in the day.