A NEW POLL-TAX.--Would somebody inform me of the easiest way of getting into Parliament? I see that Members are soon going to be paid, and that would be very useful to me, as my present yearly expenses are L1,500, and my income barely L150. Had I better try as a "Labour Candidate"? I feel that I may claim the title, on account of the labour--twelve hours at least _per diem_--which I have to expend on getting out of the way of my creditors. I presume that, before long, there will be Parliaments all over the place, for England, Wales, and Scotland, as well as for Ireland, and I want to get into _all_! At least, I want to get into all where the excellent system of payment of Members is adopted, with salaries "On the higher scale," as they say in the Courts. It is curious that, when I explain to my creditors this most promising source of prospective income, they don't seem to see it! But creditors always were a purblind race.--WOULD-BE LEGISLATOR. * * * * * THE "WITLER" AND THE "WASSER-MAIDEN." _A Ballad of Bungdom._ (_After Hans Breitmann's Ballad of the Mermaid._) [Illustration] Der noble Witler[A] BUNGO Von Schvillenschviggenop, Rode out mit shpeer und helmet, Und he coom to de panks of de Schlopp, [A] Licensed Victualler. Und oop dere rose a Meer-maid Vot hadn't got nodings on. Und she say, "Oh, Witler BUNGO, Vhere you goes mit yourself alone?" Und he says, "I rides mine high-horse, Mit helmet und mit shpeer, Till I gooms unto mine Gasthaus,[B] Vhere I sells goot wine und peer." [B] Tavern, or Wine Shop. Und den outspoke de Maiden Vot hadn't got nodings on: "I ton't dink mooch of beoplesh Dat cares for demselfs alone. You'd petter coom down to de Wasser,-- 'Tis de pest trink ash you'll see,-- Und haf a wholesome tinner Mit Schlopp-Vash, along mit me." "Dere you sees de fisch a-schwimmin! Und dere healthy efery one." So sang dis Wasser-Maiden, Vot hadn't got nodings on. "Your shtrong tipplesh cost mooch money, Dere ish death in de trinks you've sold; Und you helps yourself, by doonder, To de Vorkmansh hard-earned gold. "Shoost look at doze sodden wretches, Vhite schlafes of de Witler Rings! From dere 'trunks' you vill your pockets, Und you rob dem like efery dings. "Vot _dey_ vantsh mit your schnaps[C] und lager, Vitrioled gin and doctored wine? Smash your pottles, and preak your parrels, Und try dese Schlopps of mine!" [C] Drams, drinks. * * * Vill _dat_ fetch him! He standsh as shpellbound! She vould pool his coat-tails down. She von't draw _him_ oonder der Wasser-- Dat Maiden mit nodings on! * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.