A learned Professor, the other day, At the Royal Institution, Explained, in a quite scientific way, How, helped by a contribution From the Goldsmiths' Company, he'd prepare Some liquid oxygen--you're aware This is what plain English folks call "air" Unspoilt by smoky pollution. No doubt he meant well, and the Goldsmiths too, In their noble work together; But was it the very best thing to do, In that showery, soaking weather; When drizzle, or downpour, of dogs and cats, From the "liquid air" made us all drowned rats, And ruined our clothes and our best top-hats, And spoilt boots of the stoutest leather? Professors and Companies, if you would Invent some sort of appliance To dry "liquid air," on which we could Repose implicit reliance, Arranged to diminish this H_{2}O, Which, as every schoolboy ought to know, The Germans call _wasser_, the French call _eau_, We should bless your chemical science. * * * * * CON. FOR CAPITALISTS. _Q._ Why is it clear the Sparrow is an advocate of Free Competition? _A._ Because his everlasting cry is, "Cheep-Cheep!" * * * * * "THE GOTHENBURG SYSTEM."--Mrs. R. warmly espouses the cause of Temperance. She is very strong on what she has heard is called "The Gotobed System," in Sweden. * * * * * PILL-DOCTOR HERDAL. (_Translated from the Original Norwegian by Mr. Punch._) SECOND ACT. DR. HERDAL'S _Drawing-room and Dispensary, as before. It is early in the day._ Dr. HERDAL _sits by the little table, taking his own temperature with a clinical thermometer. By the door stands the_ New Book-keeper; _he wears blue spectacles and a discoloured white tie, and seems slightly nervous._ _Dr. Herd._ Well, now you understand what is necessary. My late book-keeper, Miss BLAKDRAF, used to keep my accounts very cleverly--she charged every visit twice over. _The New B._ I am familiar with book-keeping by double entry. I was once employed at a Bank. _Dr. Herd._ I am discharging my assistant, too; he was always trying to push me out with his pills. Perhaps you will be able to dispense? _The New B._ (_modestly_). With an additional salary, I should be able to do that too. _Dr. Herd._ Capital! You _shall_ dispense with an additional salary. Go into the Dispensary, and see what you can make of it. You may mistake a few drugs at first--but everything must have a beginning. [_As the_ New B. _retires,_ Mrs. HERDAL _enters in a hat and cloak with a watering-pot, noiselessly._ _Mrs. Herd._ Miss WANGEL got up early, before breakfast, and went for a walk. She is so wonderfully vivacious! _Dr. Herd._ So I should say. But tell me, ALINE, is she _really_ going to stay with us here? [_Nervously._