_Inquirer._ By Jove, then, how on earth do they manage to get over all that distance with so few strokes. (_Refers to paper._) It says, "Oxford rowed 37 all the way, while Cambridge contented themselves with a well-pulled 35." (_With a happy inspiration._) If Cambridge can do it in 35 strokes, while Oxford take 37, it looks jolly like Cambridge winning by two strokes, don't it? _First W. I. M._ All right; I'll lay you the odds on Oxford. _Second W. I. M._ Good, I'll take 'em to five pounds. Oxford can't win. _First W. I. M._ (_confidently_). Cambridge can't win. Anyway, I'll lay you ten pounds to five. _Inquirer._ I should like to have a bet with somebody. _Average Man._ You'd better write to one of the Presidents of the University-Boat Clubs. They're always ready to oblige a keen fellow like you with a bet. _Inquirer._ Of course. That's my best plan. I'll write to-day. [_Terminus._ * * * * * UPON TERMS. (_A Forensic Drama of the Future._) [In a recent trial, Mr. Justice HAWKINS corrected a learned Counsel who talked about Witnesses "coming up to the scratch."] _The Judge_ (_taking his seat_). I think, Mr. SMALLFEE, that you were examining a Witness when we adjourned yesterday. Are you ready to go on with the examination? _Mr. Smallfee_ (_pleasantly_). I am sorry to say that Witness has not turned up yet, m'Lud! _The Judge_ (_pained_). Not _what_? _Mr. Smallfee._ I beg your Lordship's pardon. Of course what I _meant_ was that the Witness has not, as yet, condescended to irradiate the precincts of this tribunal with the sunshine of his presence. _The Judge._ _That's_ better! Then we must go on to the next Witness. _Mr. Smallfee_ (_with an evident attempt to keep up his spirits, in spite of misfortune_). The next Witness, also, I regret to say, has not turned----I mean, has failed to appear. The Solicitor informs me that he solemnly promised to attend; but I suppose the promise was all my eye. _The Judge._ Dear, dear! What extraordinary expressions you do use, Mr. SMALLFEE! All my eye! Perhaps you will kindly interpret the phrase, for the benefit of the Court. _Mr. Smallfee_ (_desperately_). As your Lordship pleases! But, as I feel rather down in the mouth now, and as the twelve sufferers in the Jury-box evidently think that this trial has lasted long enough already, and that we ought to stir our stumps, I would suggest---- _The Judge._ Usher! Step across to Booksellers' Row, and buy me a Slang Dictionary! I cannot--I really _cannot_ follow the learned Counsel. _The Foreman_ (_interposing_). _We_ do not object to colloquial expressions, my Lord. Y' see, we're a _Common_ Jury, and we rather like them. All we want to do is to get on with the case. And perhaps it may assist the Court if at this stage I remark that the Jury has quite made up its mind, and is ready to give its verdict. _The Judge_ (_astounded_). But--but--there has been no evidence for the defence!