_Bill_ (_with enthusiasm_). Brayvo! SANGER'S ain't in it! 'Ooray, 'ooray! Lor, I could do with a ap'ny ice! Did yer see 'Er, Joe? I caught 'Er Royal eye, I did. She didn't bow--'cos we ain't on those terms--but she tipped me a wink, ser much as to say, "'Ullo, BILL, ole feller, 'ow is it you ain't in the Institoot?" _Quite_ forgittin' she never sent me no ticket. But there, I dessay she's _lots_ to think about! _Joe_ (_to the occupants of the Landau_). You'll excuse me leavin' yer for a bit, just to git a drink, won't yer? I'll be back in time to see 'em return--if yer won't mind keepin' my place. [_Exit, leaving them glaring in speechless indignation._ _The Crowd_ (_breaking up_). Oh, I see it beautiful! She _did_ look pleased, didn't she? I didn't notice partickler. I was lookin' at the Percession.... Come along, that's all there is to be seen.... Where's that silly ole man got to? I told 'im to be 'ere under this tree; he wants more lookin' after than any--oh, _'ere_ you are! Well, you should ha' kept along with us, and you'd ha' seen well enough! It _was_ a pity our leavin' the whisky at 'ome--'tain't _often_ I come out without it--and on a warm day like this, a drop 'ud ha' done us _all_ good! _A Loyal Old Lady._ Ah, depend upon it, this Imperial Institoot 'ull do good to Trade. Why, there's one o' them men with the iced lemonade cans sold out a'ready! * * * * * HOW'S THAT FOR--HIGH-TEA? [A learned Judge is recently reported to have anxiously inquired the meaning of "high-tea."] His Lordship looked puzzled. He ransacked his brain; His once beaming brow was contracted with pain. Till my Lord stopped the Counsel, in saying, "Let's see, Before you proceed, what is meant by 'high-tea'? "I was called to the Bar such a long time ago! But I flatter myself that I've learnt now to know All the ropes pretty well, yet completely at sea I confess that I am with this curious 'high-tea.' "Now I own that I know an Oxonian 'wine,' Though a 'cocoa' at Newnham is more in my line, Whilst dinner and lunch are familiar to me. So is supper. But what--tell me, _what_ is 'high-tea'?" The Counsel explained in his very best style, (Though he often indulged, on the sly, in a smile,) And the Judge was as eager as eager could be To learn all the rites that belong to "high-tea." But the sequel to all was a square little note Next day from a blue-blooded Duchess who wrote To the Judge, and this Dame of the highest degree Had invited his Lordship to come to--HIGH-TEA! * * * * * DIARY OF A "H. D." (_At the Service of the Departmental Committee on the Treatment of Inebriates._)