HER PARLIAMENTARY KNOWLEDGE.--Mrs. R. is an intelligent student of the Parliamentary Reports in the _Times_. On Tuesday, in last week, her niece read this aloud--"8.30. _On the return of the SPEAKER, after the usual interval_"---- "That," observed the worthy lady, interrupting, explaining it to her niece, "is the interval allowed for refreshment--ten minutes I believe,--go on, my dear." Then her niece continued--"_Sir T. LEA, who was interrupted by a count_"---- "Stop, my dear!" exclaimed our old friend, indignantly. "What I want to know is, how did that Count come there? Was he in the Strangers' Gallery? And if he interrupted why wasn't he at once turned out of the House? On second thoughts," she added, "he must have been a foreigner, and so they made some excuse for him." * * * * * [Illustration: SPEECHES TO BE LIVED DOWN. _Country House Hostess._ "SO GLAD YOU COULD COME, MR. VANDYKE! I'M AFRAID YOU'LL FIND US RATHER DULL. WE'RE QUITE A SMALL PARTY!" _Mr. Vandyke._ "OH NO. I SHALL BE OUT NEARLY ALL DAY, YOU KNOW!"] * * * * * "A SAIL! A SAIL!" (_Extracts from a New (Parliamentary) Version of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner._") [Sidenote: An Ancient Mariner meeteth a sorely-pressed M.P. hurrying to a Division, and stoppeth him.] It is an Ancient Mariner, And he stoppeth an M.P. "By thy scant white hair and glittering eye, Now wherefore stopp'st thou me? "The lobby doors are open wide, And if I don't get in, But give the slip to our stern Whip, Just won't there be a din!" He holds him with his skinny hand. "There was a Ship!" quoth he. The Member pressed he beat his breast, Suppressing a big, big D! [Sidenote: The sorely-pressed M.P. is spell-bound by the eye of the Grand Old Seafaring Man, and constrained to hear his tale.] He holds him with his glittering eye; The Member pressed stands still. And listens, though exceeding wild-- The Mariner hath his will. The Member pressed sits on a post, He cannot choose but hear; And thus speaks out that Grand Old Man, The bright-eyed Mariner-- [Sidenote: The Mariner tells how the good ship _H.M. Government_ sailed for Ireland with a good wind and fair weather till she reached a certain Line.] The Ship was cheered, the harbour cleared, Merrily did we drop, Laden with many a blessed Bill From kelson to orlop, The Sun of hope had left the left, Out in the cold they be. But it shone bright on the (SPEAKER'S) right When we put forth to sea. * * * * * [Sidenote: Where the Ship is driven by a storm (of Opposition) toward the Poll.] And now the Storm-blast came, and he Was tyrannous and strong. He struck with his opposing wings, And set our course all wrong.