_Uniform._--Future Governors not to be required to wear gold lace. Yellow braid to be sparingly used in decorating their frock-coats. Dirks to be substituted for swords. Cocked-hats no longer to be trimmed with feathers. _Official Entertainments._--Governors no longer to be required to ask Colonials to dinner. Luncheons with chops and steaks and boiled potatoes to be substituted for extensive _menus_. Balls to be given only occasionally, and guests to be served with the lightest of light refreshments (sandwiches and lemonade); and if dancing be required, dancers to supply their own orchestras. _Attending State Functions._--Governors no longer to be expected to appear in carriage and pair. Their Excellencies to be entitled to use tram-cars, omnibuses, and bicycles. When laying a foundation-stone, the Governors to be permitted to wear double-soled boots, and carry umbrellas. _Miscellaneous._--To avoid expense, salutes will be dispensed with as much as possible. When guns are fired, tubes to be used without cartridges. Flags not to be flown in wet weather, and Chairs of State always to be covered with brown holland. Gaslights to be sparingly lighted, and wax-candles abolished. There, my dear Sir, this should be a relief both to the goose and the gander. It is quite right to economise, but it is a little strange to find that we get our first hint in this direction from the Antipodes. Yours truly, GAY WITHOUT PAY. * * * * * [Illustration: A SLIGHT CONFUSION OF IDEAS. _Local Hatter._ "I 'OPE YOU'LL EXCUSE MY CALLING, SIR GEORGE; BUT I 'EARD AS HER LADYSHIP WAS GOING TO GIVE A PLAY IN THE GROUNDS--A _PASTORAL_ PLAY, THEY TOLD ME--SO I MADE SO BOLD AS JEST TO COME ROUND AND SAY AS I'D GOT A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF _CLERICAL 'ATS_, AND THAT I SHOULD BE MOST 'APPY TO PUT 'EM AT HER LADYSHIP'S DISPOSAL!"] * * * * * STILL WILDER IDEAS. (_Possibilities for the next O. Wilde Play._) _Puppet Number One._ Let's come into the garden, MAUDLE. I adore the garden. Don't you know that the book of at least one good play begins with some epigrams in the garden, and ends with---- _Puppet Number Two._ Recitations--strictly puritanical. Well, let's go into the garden: there's nothing but Nature to look at there, so we will discuss---- _Puppet Number One._ The picture shows. It seems to me there are two principles in modern art. The first is--give a picture a good name, and they'll hang it. _Puppet Number Two._ What's--ahem!--what _is_ in a name? _Puppet Number One._ Usually a good deal more than is in the picture. _Puppet Number Two._ And the second principle? _Puppet Number One._ Art is short, and the life (of the average Academician) is long. _Puppet Number Two._ Ah, well. I suppose I shall have to ask you sooner or later to define Art. _Puppet Number One._ Certainly. Art is that which invariably goes one better than Nature. _Puppet Number Two (with a sigh)._ And what is Nature?