That "Beauty's decaying among us!" By certain old fogies we're told. Many poets have ceaselessly sung us! But then even poets _grow old_. SMELFUNGUS has "been to the Palace," And Beauty, he thinks "going out." Now can it be folly or malice? Is he blind, or bald-headed and stout? I think 'tis most likely the latter. He's fifty, no doubt, if a day. Yes, that I suspect's "what's the matter"; And then, who cares what _he_ may say? When he went to the Palace of Crystal, He puffed, I've no doubt, and swigged port, And what wonder then if he missed all The Vision of Beauty at sport? At Kiss in the Ring we were playing, He envied us, that's where it is, Because if near us he came straying He knew we'd refuse _him_ a kiss. And so (as TOT puts it) he "telled a lie," To cover his nasty mean spite. No, pessimist purblind and elderly, Our looks weren't in fault, 'twas your sight! What with Tennis, and one thing and t'other, We're prettier than ever all round; _I_'m nearly as strong as my brother, Tall, straight, nimble, healthy, and sound. And as to my teeth!--you don't know them, Or else you have told what's not true; You'd retract, were I only to show them, And I feel I _could_ show them--_at you_! * * * * * EVIDENT.--In drinking the health of the Italian Parliament, the Toast of the evening ought to be,--as indeed every Toast when well done ought to be,--"_Crispi_." * * * * * AN ODE OF ODOURS. (_A Poem of Recognition._) Oh, what is this faint perfume that I smell, And smelling seem, somehow, to know so well? What recollections should it start again, What memories of the past bring in its train? Is it a whiff of country come to-day, Of mangel-wurzels, or of new-mown hay? Or was it when She witched me with a glance The subtle odour reached me--at the dance? Where'er it was, I'm certain that I know it, As certain as I am I'm not a poet, But stay, was it when influenza gripped us? It was! _Eureka!_ Yes, it's Eucalyptus! * * * * * On Certain Philistine Pedagogues. Greek and Philosophy but tire and twist 'em. Duncedom they praise, and dub it "democratic," And their abuse of the great Attic system Is systematic! * * * * * MEM. FROM ACCRINGTON.--Liberal party in a fix here. Naturally anxious to keep a LEESE-hold on the constituency, it looks a little awkward to pose as the labourer's friend, and at the same time to keep (HERMON) HODGE out of Parliament! * * * * * MEM. BY A HORSE-BUYER WHO HAS BEEN "HAD."--"Novice" does not always mean no vice. * * * * * MUSIC AND LAW.