Two Tories--meek May fighting sturdy December Their foe is an old hand these lads should remember. They'll probably sit most judiciously dumb, Or only object like the murmuring sea. To the House, sent from Brighton, the youngest have come; From the House, down at Brighton, the oldest will be-- Mr. G. * * * * * A SEASONABLE VADE MECUM. (_By Ker Mudgeon, Senior._) _Question._ What is the most satisfactory motto for Christmas? _Answer._ That it "comes but once a year." _Q._ Then it is as well to take a gloomy view of the season? _A._ That is the only reasonable aspect in the face of a pile of "Christmas bills." _Q._ What are Christmas cards? _A._ Advertisements of existence sent to enemies as well as friends. _Q._ What is a plum pudding? _A._ Indigestion in the concrete. _Q._ And a mince pie? _A._ An excuse for a glass of brandy or a glass of any other equally potent liquid. _Q._ Does old-fashioned English Christmas fare benefit anyone? _A._ Yes; doctors and chemists. _Q._ Why does an elderly person go the pantomime? _A._ Because he likes it just as much as a schoolboy. _Q._ What reason does he give for his visits to Drury Lane, the Lyceum, or the Crystal Palace? _A._ That he visits those places of entertainment for the sake of the children. _Q._ But if he is an old bachelor? _A._ He declares that he likes to see the delight of other people's children. _Q._ What is the _spécialité_ of a Christmas family party? _A._ Row all round. _Q._ What are the regulation wishes of Yule-tide? _A._ A Happy Christmas and a Prosperous New Year. _Q._ And the probable result? _A._ The attainment of neither. * * * * * CROSSED IN LOVE.--A wedding-present cheque. * * * * * [Illustration: FINAL ORDERS. _Keeper (to Boy out for his first day's driving)._ "MIND AND SPREAD YERSELF OUT!"] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. "Sir," said a wisely deferential friend of the Baron's, approaching the Baronial arm-chair wherein sat His Super-Excellency regaling himself in truly Regal-Cole-ian fashion, "Sir, I present to your notice a book entitled _In Search of a Climate_." "With such a title," quoth the Baron, in poetic humour, "it should have been dedicated to His Grace of Canterbury. Would not this distich well favour the title-page? Listen:-- "'In Search of a Climate,' | From CHARLES B. NOTTAGE, This to the Primate! | Who lives in a cottage."