Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105 December 30, 1893Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105 December 30, 1893
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
"'SIR,--Lord TOCHTACHIE has been robbed. I overheard him last night
conversing with the Hon. IAN STRUNACHAR, his eldest son, who used the
following words: "Not a doubt of it. They have stolen a march----"
More I could not hear at the moment. The case is of immense
importance, and I trust you will lose no time in sending a competent
investigator. I have, of course, concealed both my presence here and
my knowledge of the theft from his lordship.
"'Yours faithfully, 'DAVID MCPHIZZLE.'"
"There, my boy, is the case. Will you go and help a Scotch
representative peer to recover his own? Think how terrible it must
be to lose the march or boundary that separates your ancestral
domain from that of a neighbour whose whole course of life may be
antipathetic to you. Will you go?"
A wave of emotion passed over my friend's face. I could see that
a struggle of no ordinary kind was raging in his breast. Finally,
however, he looked at me, and his mind, I knew, was made up. In
another ten minutes we had bidden adieu to his family, and were
speeding northwards in the Scotch express.
Over the details of the journey it is not necessary to linger. Suffice
it to say that on the following morning we arrived at Tochtachie, and
took up our quarters in a deserted barn situated in the very centre of
the estate. From this point we pursued our investigations. Our first
proceeding was to interview the local constabulary, but we found them
as obtuse and as foolishly incredulous as policemen are all the world
over. One of them, indeed, went so far as to hint that HOLES was
"havering," which I understand to be an ancient Gaelic word signifying
metaphysical talk, but a look from the great detective chilled him
into silence. Day by day we worked, and not even the night gave us
a rest from our self-sacrificing labours. We mapped out the whole
district into square yards; we gathered the life-history of every
single inhabitant on the estate; we left no clue untracked, no
loophole unblocked, no single piece of evidence unexamined, no
footstep unmeasured. We collected every scrap of torn letter, every
crumpled telegram-form. The very heather of the moor, and the trees
growing in the policies of the Castle were compelled by HOLES'
marvellous inductive powers to yield to us their secrets, until after
weeks of patient toil we at last judged ourselves to be in possession
not only of the stolen march, but also of evidence that would bring
conviction home to the guilty party. We had paused, I remember, by a
heap of granite at the roadside. HOLES seemed strangely excited. "A
march," I heard him muttering, "is performed by footsteps; steps are
often made of stone. Can this be it? It must be! It is!" Then, with
a shout of triumph, he gave orders to have the heap loaded on to a
country cart, which was to follow us to the Castle.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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